ROXANNE (;

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Uncertainty.

Uncertain about the decision i made a month plus ago.

Uncertain about you now.

Uncertain about how much i do yearn for you.

Do i even miss your tender lips;

your tender touch;

your warmth hug;

your lovely smile;

your hot body that turns me on;

your smell that lingers me

and most of all, the love you ever gave me.

Uncertain about who stopped loving one another.

Uncertain why you ain't gona make it work anymore.

Uncertain what has it become now.

Uncertain how it was being done.

I'm just so full of uncertainty.

Is either you've moved on, or me.

It's either you left from the start of this separation, or me.

Cause I'm feeling lost
When I'm in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was holding on to you
I tried so hard
To be the one
I don't like who I've become

writtern @11:17 AM

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Dear Lord,

Please make me stronger now.
Cause i feel like i'm so down that idk who am i now.
I felt that i'm torn apart and dead.
I cant seems to stand on my feet now.
Tomorrow seems to be my dooms day,
the day i've been waiting for have come, finally.

My heart just can't stop making me feel uneasy and scare.
I'm really scare.
I'm breaking down now.
I'm really at the edge.
My feet is off the ground.

It's totally driving me insane.

:'(

writtern @11:30 PM

Saturday, October 24, 2009

cause baby everything is f-ed up straight from the heart

tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart

gotta pick myself up where do i start

cuz i can't turn to you when it all falls apart

Take me on the floor - this is much hotter! :D

I wanna kiss a girl.

writtern @2:30 PM

Thursday, October 22, 2009

PEA BRAIN!

Seriously, i really think that you have a pea brain.
Seriously, even though u're older than all of us, you still have that child-like mind.
Seriously, i hate you for who you are now.

You're totally tuning me off with whatever you do or say to my sis.
We're blood sisters for goodness sake. I can don't acknowledge you. But i cant not to acknowledge my sis, pea brain!
What you're doing now is totally driving me INSANE! LITERALLY! And what u're doing now is tearing us apart. Making us drift AND YOU! Getting what you wanted ?

Asking her not to be too close to be and want grandma to call you to ask WHY you say these ? FCUK k.
Seriously, YOU should just FCUK off my life.
You're not making it any better even when we've made things up.
What can be worst when you're someone whom i'm related with.

Blood ties may be important. BUT who stays with me since i was born or my sis born MATTERs MORE THAN YOU DO!

Freak. Seriously. You just freak me out.
Do what you want, pea brain.
Because i dont need you. Not your money nor love.
The most i just wont call you / text you or see you again.
That's what you wanted it to happen right ?
That's what you want to make it happen that i wont need your money anymore right ?
JUST ONE FINE DAY, I'll call you up.

That's when you don't have to give grandma monthly allowance.
Because, i'll be the one who'll tell you that u dont have to be conscious for that pathetically $400 bucks to tell urself that we need that money to live a better life. Just for that pathetically $400 bucks to live with your money ? Just for that pathetically $400 bucks, WE( or maybe I) NEED YOU?!

But i'm really sorry to tell you, that's when i really need u out of my life and never get involve with me. Not anymore.
You're,

O.

U.

T.

OUT!

On a happier note,
Happy Birthday my dear Baby Jesslyn :)

writtern @4:01 PM

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

People who loves to

work next mnth,

weekdays or weekends.

Contact me !

Tweet me/ facebook me or email to

chainlove@live.com!

writtern @11:31 PM

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

How come when i dont feel like bothering things that's happening around me, yet they always just came by and stand in front of me.

How come when i feel like running away, yet my mind kept racing back to where i started running.

How come and just how come, why life must be so miserable. -.-!

Nobody loves to feel upset. Why one must choose to be upset instead of being happy ? In fact, it's natural for people to do so. Because none, or very little of us remember the happy times more than the opposite.

I dont know what i'm talking. Neither do i know what i'm doing in my life now. Once he stepped out of my life, everything seems to go haywire. It seems so rough and it's not going well at all.

I love you, and for who you are. ____ friends are more important to me now more than how much i used to love my bf (ex). It's always so heartbreaking to know that we're always landing in this state. I mean, we could be better but why do we choose this path that's so hard for both of us to walk through this alone ?

We're suppose to hold onto one another when one falls. Go through thick and thin together. Be with each other no matter who you or me turns to. We change, we learn, we move and stop. But we all must know some things we have to let go, and some hold on to it. I learn to let things go when they need to be free. But i never thought of letting you go silly.

Because you're someone who i need in my life. Unless you tell me you have to move on and wants to be free from these troubles i'm causing. I'm more than willing to walk out of your life if you wanted it this way.

:)

writtern @6:25 PM

Monday, October 19, 2009

Jessy & Me.

As usual, starting off with myself :D

Jessy just got back from HK. When she walked out, we could all spot her because her new name is "Minnie Jesslyn" *vomit*

Modelling the new LV bag bought from HK. (like rubbish bag because u can just dump whatever shit inside!)

Back home and this is what they pulled out from their luggage! Maggiesssssss. -.-! Well done GIRLS!

Of course there's more.

Aunt bought this ( and it seems to be mine cause i'm the only one using it !) So gona try all the juicy tubes. Looks so cute and tempting! :D

Next day, woke up by the others and rushed me to shower and get ready.

While the rest were still idling at home, i have to get up and shower to buy stuffs! Grr.
It was grandma's bday celebration, so i cant be angry!

(testing picture to see my make up looks ok!)

Next up, not forgetting my naughty girl. Jessy with Coach Shades. HATE HER TO THE MAX!

I can live without any make up. But not living without drawing my brows. Oh my. Brows are sexayyyyyyy just so you know. haha

Forever camwhore partner.

FAILED attempt.

(Y) this is goooooood.

ISNT EYEBROWS SEXY?! Humph!

And she started her nonsense pose alr >.<

She's the man!

To cwp. She wants to take more pic.

Back to car, more camwhores!

Honey lemon is so loved ! Whenever we're at cwp we would just buy a bottle or two!

Monkey.

She's jealous i'm just prettier.

Dinner at Bishan. My left hand man - sebastian (uncle)

My right hand girl - Rachelle ( sis)

There were like 13 people on a dining table. Love it max!

GRANDPARENTS! WOOHOOO!

This is what i gave for my grandma's bday. Her red packet inside is this!

It stated " $100. Owe you first"

HAHAHAHAHA!

Prank that then give another proper packet. :D

That day, my aunt wore my yellow top! It was because we look like sisters at home and all of them always mistaken me as "aunt" while she's "me". Sheesh.

Back home, and i'm done posting.

PS : 7 MORE EXACT DAYS TO EXAM! WOOHOO!

and i'm be so free again! :D

Sometimes, it's better to leave it this way when u feel like it.

I wouldn't want to account for the mistakes i've done.

I wouldn't even want to look at what i've did when i'm sick of whatever i've done.

I'm sick, and done.

Period.

Dad, u're nothing but trouble.

Not gona text you, anymore.

No more.

Never endings problems once we've made up.

STOP GIVING ME PROBLEMS!

writtern @7:10 PM

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Blogger is giving me problems.
I cant upload pictures.

But heck !

I was out for 7 days, a week!
WONDERFUL!

Spent loads too. Travelling time and etc etc.

Nothing much,
And celebrated grandma's bday today (but it falls on tmr, 19th oct)
It was filled with laughters.
Packed a big red packet for her too.
She deserve it all.

She had the best time with us,
And we'll forever love her <3

Thanks to those who came by !
Aaron and his gf. Alicia too ( not forgetting you).
Have a fun week ahead! It's gona be monday,
BLUEEEEEEEEEEEES
:D:D

writtern @11:24 PM

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY

Verse 1:
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't cha take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't cha love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Verse 2:
Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
All these days I feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
Watch this life pass me by, pass me by

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

Bridge:
So and it's just that I can't see
The kind of stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

Outro:
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

writtern @1:44 PM

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

GRANDPARENTS <3

Oh dear,

You just wouldn't know how deep i love them. I even treat them as my dad and mom. How cool! They look so young but they're in the age of 60! Haha. How cute and adorable can they be when we take picture. Guess why grandma's with the wide smile ? Cause grandpa take picture always love to be handsome and act cool.

AND SO !

I just pull both their head towards my side so i'll look the best among them! HAHA!

Grandpa was saying " u pull my head towards u then i take picture where got nice!"

HAHAHAHAHA!!

He's just too cute. We always jokingly quarreled about family matters and jesslyn. He loves to act angry and stupid like as if he had a senile. Jesslyn talk to him can get high blood pressure at such a young age.

I have uncredibly(or is it incredibly ? or uncredible/incredible? haha!) lovely family :D

Love them and special thanks to them for keeping this family lovely and close.

I just cant imagine if one would just left me and step out of my life.

I'll never forget you and will forever and ever and always love you :D

Labels: grandparents

writtern @12:51 PM

Friday, October 09, 2009

Already gone.

How come life just dont seems to go your way ? Ponder and wonders why ? I dont now. :D

Amazingly, i took my courage and was brave enough to go ask a fortune teller. He was somehow accurately right, but somehow i have a lot of doubts. Because, his starting of the tell and to the conclusion of it, it's exactly the same as Nini and Boma.

He said there's this person who trust me a lot in business. Somehow will learn a lot through this job and will live independently in future. Will have a lot of life experiences. Will go through a lot of complication but as long as with a calm heart, i will succeed in things. First and foremost, must be filial to parents and be kind to others. Donation, think how much u would like to have. Not because of their looks, but because of how much ur heart thinks on how much they deserve.

In addition, he said i am affording my own expenses and working for myself just because i dont want to take allowance from my parents (that's true). He knows i'm half working and half studying (that's true). He says that, if i have the time do tidy my bed and room before i go out. Dress nicely before i go out, and i'll be a better and a different person. But this is already a routine i guess ? (just that sometimes i'm too lazy. Will leave lappy and messy bed and just leave the hs. haha)

He even said something that makes me go hmmm. He said live ur life u want it to be. Dont think and just think. Dont wish and just wish. But think, do, and make it succeed. U'll do it in ur life if u want to and with the determination u have in ur heart. Be strong and dont be too affected in ur love life. Live with principles and rules. Abide them ( though i always break most of the time), but maybe this time. Just this time, from now on. I'm going my rules, my way, my life.

This point of my time, i'm gone.

I'm moving on.

I'm changing.

I never want to walk back to the route i went before.

It's a torture to cry for you, to be hurt and hurt you. It's all a torture to love even though i had my funs and laughters. But all in all, the hurt wasn't recovering even though we're just so loving. It'll all come back.

I'm willing, and will put it down. Since answers are pretty obvious. It's obvious that i always run, hide and act as if i did moved on. I'm tired of all these fakings.

I want you to know, it doesn't matter.

Where we take this road, someone's gotta go.

And i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better

And i want you to move on,

So i'm already gone.

Already gone.

writtern @1:22 AM

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Despair.

Yes, i'm feeling very despair now.
I don't know how to describe how i feel now. How come there's so many things on my mind. I should be thinking, planning what to write for my essay for my own practice as O lvl is really round the corner. But, But, i just couldn't get started. Start to think, to write, to do and to practice.

Why just can't I.

In life, why were you born knowing-nothing-at-all.
But when you leave this world, u're so full-of-worries.

In fact, people were born to have pressure naturally. Because not all loves to study with their whole of lifetime. I know study is the best thing in life. But why are there pressures like, EM1, EM2, EM3 in primary school life ? Then Special, Express, NA, NT in secondary life. I know these are benefiting the students as there's different pace of people studying. But why just are there natural pressures.

Side effect is on me now. Why do we have to go to poly after secondary life ? Why is there a need to study so hard just to go on to ur next level of life ? Why is there no carefree life in this world. Why are there so many troubles, problems, obstacles and so many things that causes life to be in such pressure. In such miserable time, we still have to move on and face life.

I mean, why is it compulsory to study at least a poly or JC after ur sec sch ? I'm not saying i hate poly or studying. But seriously, this bloody english just english only could kill me for now. I have no idea why am i so drained now. My mind is very drained and dehydrated. I'm feeling dead. My mind is dead.

I just feel so dead you know.
He used to be my motivation for study.
But, he's not here for me anymore.

Is that the reason why i'm so drain ?

I'm starting to tear. )':

writtern @3:23 PM

This is my now : )

Short update about myself :

- Aint working this month anymore due to Private O lvl English is round the corner that is gona happen on 26 Oct. (Forced to quite by two impt person in my life. haha)

-Aint studying much either as i'm too used to idle when i'm 24 hrs home. Need to get out of the bed and throw the lappy out of the room and study hard !

- Been outing with lovely gfs almost everyday for dono what. But seriously, even though i meet them or nini only, i still miss her the next moment when i left her )):

- Cant wait for O lvl to ends so that i can do all the whatever things i want to do too!

- Nevertheless, i want my birthday and my charles bday to be perfect :D

Correction : Not my charles. But for a little moment, just let me say it's still mine. HAHA!

PS : Tried handling the four wheels my own. Can't believe it's just that hard. And less than 5 mins, my legs were tired. Damn it ! I'm sure not gona pass my driving test! Sheeesh!

writtern @3:35 AM

Saturday, October 03, 2009

I'm done.

And i don't like you.

writtern @9:06 PM

Friday, October 02, 2009

Expect in return

Never do that. Never.
Well, i cant say what i am to you because you've always treated me as a thing from the way you said things or even do things towards me. When you treat someone, you dont expect anything in return. What's more, it's friends.

What's more, you dont have to say that u bloody went to sell your daughter to ur friend's work as i'm just helping out. I am volunteering my own and i dont have to account to you for whatever i did to the company. And you dont have to expect the company to owe you a life or something as your daughter is working for them. You should never expect that, at all. Not at all.

So what if you recommend your daughter to work for them ? It's your willing isn't it ? WHY EXPECT THINGS IN RETURN!

Hate the way u treat me, hate the way how u used me. It's frustrating as I'M NOT A THING. I'M YOUR DAUGHTER FOR BLOODY GOODNESS SAKE!

I'm your daughter, your daughter. -.-!!
I always yearn for a kid or two. But now, i guess it's time i have a change of mindset. I never wanted to be like my parents. They sucks a lot when they dont even care about how i feel or my sis. I dont wish to be like them. If i want to, i'll make it true. If i want, I'll do it right. Not the way i'm living now with hatred, with frustration, with all the shits i hear and face u guys.

This is shits,

writtern @6:21 PM

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Boredom stikes.

How sad life could be when i tried to stand out of my routine with a very habitual routine of life, i felt that i shouldn't have stepped out of it. I should have moved on and love that every little things that were done.

It's been long since i came across a sentence and sounded so damn true and i've stepped the words all over forgetting how it longer exist in me.

"You will always hurt the one you love"

I seriously hurt a lot more than a few those i love and whom loved me. I wont go delirious about that and neither will i go moaning about it. But i do think and what i can improve on just to prevent getting these again. But when i've tried, and till my very best. You never did learn or do what you preech, i guess i'm gona step out of your life. Till one day i have to step out of your life and thus we see things more clearly.

It may do both party good. But none of our heart feels any ease. It may for some as they may have felt that we should be long done for this relationship. But i don't think so even those relationship i have been for a short little while. Not more than 6 months or so. More of a dating romance.

But when you've settled one for a date and you knew about the other habits, routines in life and so on. It kinds of stays in you for a long period of time.

To be frank, even though i've stepped out of your life. I've left my soul in there. I'm just having those feelings. That just run through me by itself. I'll be fine. Will be.

writtern @12:32 AM