ROXANNE (;

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Oh, here's something dedicated to my secondary school friend, named Devage (:

Let's have a little story about us in our secondary school times. I know her since secondary one when i stepped in this school. She's the first few girls i know in orientation too, i guess? Vaguely remember as it had already been for more than 5 years. =/ Well, we were closed, ONCE before. During our lower sec, i do approached her. Just when i've lost my friend and everyone in school, zulaiha, faraha and devage (the quiet girls in class) approached me and we became good friends. They were really specially nice to me when i was upset. They approached to me for help in maths and science that i was good in. And i approached to them whenever i need help too. But we're just way too different in character, i can hardly click with them ): And me, being selfish, after getting back my friends, i left them, alone.

I did told them before that i've alr get back well wth my "cliques" that time, and they somehow wants me to go back to my friends where they've been backstabbing me all that while ? They were being nice to be, kind and patient. But, i've got my friends, and bullied devage and faraha at the very end of our school years. How can i ever do that ?

But hey, now i realise how bad i was in secondary school days where i was just seeking fun, but nothing only fun in school ? without thinking, if i were in their shoes, how and what would i be ? Neither will i not go to school, nor do i think that i have the courage to go to school and sit near you. I'll be hiding in that real back corner of the class and start to sleep. I once asked myself, during all these while, have i done anything good to them when bad times dont happen ?

Here, apologising bout what i've done all these yrs, to you and anyone out there. I've sent my condolences, and since my previous post seems to be hating my dad now. The time that i've spent reading your blog, has make me think twice. I'll learn and try to start to cherish him whenever i can. I hope i wont let you down, and friend, though we're not-so-close-friend, but i hope if u've got anything, u can ask me or our cliques if you are in need of anything.

We'll definitely love to help you (:

writtern @12:06 AM

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Life's been tough for everyone i guess. It seems like everyone's got their own problems. In chinese translated to english it's " every home has it's own problems"

I cant tell myself everyday, everynight not even every moment that i've got to live with this life of my own. I'm telling everything to myself that's happening bad to me, it's all blessing in disguise. I may seems to be optimistic, but deep down, i dont find myself being too open minded for all. I may seems to be more of a term where ppl named me "optimistic", but i can never stop describing myself as a very pessimistic girl who's always having a small mind with a small heart which i'll never open it up and enclosed to all.

I often love to cheorograph my own dance steps and sings in the toilet when i was very little. Where i knew nothing bout sadness till parent's divorcee befalls on me. I was, a very happy, cheerful little girl who obeys every little thing that my parents would told me to do. ( which i guess everyone does too.) But hear my little story, i'm not here to let u know how down i was or how upset i am now. (my so called " diary" that i've kept for a few yrs) I came from a not so rich family whom my house income came from my aunt all along. Money is a problem to where my family may seems to be a big burdern of. And of course, not only my family face that, i bet everyone's heart would say that little word.

I've surfaced myself in that deep blue sea to get myself a little tiny bit of oxygen to breathe, to continue living.. When daddy asked me " i seems to have a little bit of miscommunication with you now." I skipped the question and moved on for a little more hippy talks. But deep down, i've started tearing. His words don't seems to be getting off my mind like how i always love to write essays or doing works or even writing things with a 2B mechanical pencil and erase it off with a soft eraser.

i love to, to be in this very happy moment at all time.

I love to, to be smiling at all obstacles that's crashing on me.

but times, i'm always looking down like that.

I tried, and tried to smile. And i realised most of my pictures, in fact, 99% of it, it's all filled with smilessssss. (((:

I realised i wasn't that upset when i was taking pictures. I realised that when i was holding on to a camera or even a camera phone, i'm capturing my smiles that are making me happy. My life dont seems that dull, yea ?

I can smile like this if you want me to, no qualms loves (: It's definitely my forte, no doubts. laughs. But when will it end ?

I know, i often says that my family was never nice. But i'm seriously cntented with whoever i am living now. My lovely young grandparents whom watch me since i was born. Nevertheless my aunt too. My both sister and my cousin and my mom (:

i tot i was a good kid, but my dad had never fought for my custody. I wonder when i was a kid ! Why isnt he loving me as much as i do before ? Everyone says love do fade. Yes, i've experienced it before. But does love fade for a daddy who made me here right now ?

All i can say was, my love do fade for him. We always had a weekend outing on sunday mostly ( due to some personal reasons which are not revealable), we would head for sakae sushi as our lovely lunch as he knew it's my all time favourite. He wouldnt mind spending 50-100 bucks for that meal ! Just to see his two lovely daughters and one more somewhere.

But who knows, time change. Love change. Direction change. I can never get back to the time as i was 4 yrs old, when i was 8 yrs old or even just a few months ago.

Because i always say in my heart, since you dont even ask and even care bout me in the first place, dont bother asking bout anything further more than that. And that explains why all the foul mood came from when asking bout my studies from "you" guys.

such a long post, idk where i'm driving to or even who i'm upseting for or why am i writing this. Tired of thinking of these thoughts over and over again.

writtern @11:21 PM

There's no inspiration, at all.
Life's being too mundane.
It can't seems to get any better either.
I'm terribly sick too, seems to be dying soon.

Here to bid farewell,

goodbye.

writtern @12:01 AM

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Everyone's starting school.

I'm emo ):

writtern @7:02 PM

Thursday, April 16, 2009

VOTE FOR MEEEEEE ! (:

at WWW.BAREONLINE.SG !

If you do no know how to,
email me and i'll tell you how to !

THANK YOU LOVESSSS ! ;D

writtern @6:42 PM

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Okay, i'm actually waiting for the time to reach 1.30am so i can go to slp.
Due to nini's complaining that 1.30am is too early for her to slp, but you see, she really need some whacking from me, like seriously. She's been slping 4am these days and it's totally horrible when she's waking up at 645am the next day. PLS k ! School start alr you better watch your health ! (:
And now she's aslp, i cant get to slp now. grr ! but anyway, gona force myself. My cough's terrible yet i still wanna go ktv tmr with her. haha ! (:

that night when i skipped tuition, all because of a hair show. (it was a stupid hair show anyway)
-.-! but still get to enjoy with the girls(:
at Bens&Jerry waiting for esther.
Sophia was busy doing her shoots stuffs. haha. and i'm boredddd ):

i have a new fetish, posing every pictures with PEACE (:

my new blog shop instock (:

nice dress ! ;D

but it was super exaggerating hair show,

it's nice too (:

we were only there for 10 mins and off we went to toilet camwhore (:

back home, and yea, camwhored.

i was quite obsessed with my make up as bf instructed me to do so,

successful and cant bear to wash it away ! LOL (:

end of with my picture of the night ! (:

and lastly, one M1 show (:

having another M1 event on this coming weekends. I'm suppose to attend tuition on thursday, sat and sunday. Now, i think i can only attend on thursday. -.-!

Due to lingerie shoots from afternoon till 10pm ): BUT ! if i want, i can make it in the saturday, very early morning. SOBS ! ):

Then sunday couldnt be as i'm staying over at the hotel if the shoot's confirmed then head down straight to clarke quay for next shoot at the next day. 9am where the shoots will start. Have to get all the drinks and there'll be so many photographers >.<>

now, hopefully my path is clear enough for me to proceed,

Xoxo;

PS PS ! I F^%$ING HATE THESE MJ PPL ! THEIR CIGG ASHES JUST FLEW TO MY HOME GROUND AND THE SOFA. HOW I WISH I CAN OVERTURN THEIR TABLE AND THERE GOES THEIR GAMBLING ! and oh man, one aunty voice damn loud, how i wish i can tell her " shut up and drive man."

writtern @1:31 AM

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

CHAIN THE SHOW 2 IS UP !

CHECK OUT MORE OVER HERE !

FOR ANY ENQUIRIES, EMAIL US AT chain-in@live.com !

HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOOON! ((:

PS PS ! there are more elegant dresses and highwaist skirt with beautiful leggings and big tees !

XOXO ;
(:

writtern @8:21 PM

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I always ask myself whether am i running away from the reality. I was deceiving myself for doing all these things during all these while. I was hiding alone, that i know. I was searching for my lost soul, that i know. I was searching for my reality as i felt that i'm living in a dream, that i know ! AND I WAS FEELING LOST ! THAT IS WHAT I'M FEELING SO MUCH NOW !

I wanted so much for this stage of my life to move on, ASAP, where i can find for the rainbows, the sun shine and the rain. I know i'm in the cave all by myself in this pitch dark cold place. But i was protecting myself instead. I was protecting myself from being hurt when i step out to this world, again. It's cruel, it's harsh, it's scary and demanding. Life's like that as i always said. I always tell myself there's always ups and down. And though i may not be hitting the hardest ground now, but i felt like i'm lying dead on the ground as i hit it too hard. I felt like i was jumping down the building aiming for my head to reach the ground first.

I always kept quiet whenever they probe. I'll always go to the washroom and hide to let out my tears. I'll always lay on the bed before i slp, thinking what should i do the next day. You can never judge a person by it's book. I'm going out everyday, i'm smiling everyday ! As time pass by, i realise, deep down, all my laughters were all lies. I feel superly heartbroken when i realise that i was that pessimistic in my life, now. It's hard to believe that i am that now actually.

i cant let fate decide. I'm wishing all of you, best future ahead (:
PS : especially to the close friends i had going for school in two days or more time ! (:

writtern @9:36 PM

Saturday, April 11, 2009

SOME PICS (for next post), ZOO !

Well well, i said i went with Esther aka ice angel aka melody love with Sophia aka Starangel for hotel hunting for our package shoots ! (: it's one of the hotel private pool area. One day, i'm gona hold a birthday party here and yea, get a suite room and i should just get my hectic schedule off and get myself pampered with these stuffs here.

with the superbly nice view when u're swimming or drinking or even relaxing ! It's dark sky because it already started to drizzle ! heh (:

I was out with this outfit. HOW SIMPLE IS THAT !

and two more pictures of me in M1 event! (: well, only i'm the girl willing to stand infront. dono why they dont want. and i still look nice and better what ! NO BODY BLOCKS MY VIEW ! hah !

ZOO TRIP !(: BEWARE ! alot of camwhored photos instead of snapping the damn animals there. LOL
My family parting from home ! okay la. you may wonder whythefcuk would we need a trolley with there recycles bags and plastic bags all over. As i said ! IT'S A FAMILY OUTING ! we need loads of things for our super big trip, you know ! we've got bee hoon, bread (tuna and egg) BOTTLES of RIBENA ! that's being place in the freezer overnight ! thus when we reached there and quench our thirst, it's still icy cold and watery !

and when u have a mouthful of it, you'll go " phewww. SHIOKKK !" haha !

jessy and me before setting out ! sorry uh, i got bigger eyes. BOOS !

i was shouting at her, telling her not to bring her STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE BAG ! as she'll always push it to ppl to take it and it's damn irritating. So she hid inside the room and threaten not to go, but too bad, i cant be threatened by her of course. My mom carry her out with tears. LOL. doesnt matter. And i acted as if, we need to camwhore and such, so we took pictures ! ( but before that she was staring at me fiercely ): )

IT'S TIME TO GET INTO THE CAR, PEOPLE !

dont anyhow buy toto or 4D k. and my bf's birthdate came out at 4D LOR ! then my hp number came out at the second prize. HAHA ! i'm so high up, and he's so low down. tsktsk. one heaven and hell. but you know, opposite attracts ! ;D

i'm in the car alr ! for who cares, I CAM WHORED, YES, AGAIN !

reached and they were getting the tickets, it was a super long queue as it's public holiday ):

So i brought jess to accompany me to wait for bf to reach. HEH ! and yes, we camwhoreddddddd again (:

super cute lor she ? acted so much. feel like stranggling her whenever she acts in front of the cam, BECAUSE SHE'S JUST TOO CUTE ! so anyway, i'm as cute as her too ok ! hurhur.

HOR, BF ?!?!?!?!? ( you better say yes! >.< )

we've got in ! phew. it was so crowded at the entrance and here we start our journey !(:

anybody wants some shade under my blue-ish umbrella ?

i rmb this damn slope made me chase for my bf till i pant. -.-! it's the way to the baboons. the red ass CHICKS ! ;D smart hor he. give this style of taking pic. there's more later !

we were 1/2 to the point more or less ! and it's my biao jiu's birthday. idk how to say in english, in long term it's my mom's cousin. LOL. My family very big, so it's super complicated in eng (: shall leave out the details anyway !

and u definitely need a portable fan for such weather with such trip ! ( my aunt took six of it )

these were the things we brought over. phew. still got one big pot of bee hoon lor !

he's my biao jiu laaaaa. the joker of all day too. HA ! oh, my family got alot of jokers and lamers anyway. heh ! AND SPECIALLY THAT DAY ! he's birthday he keep suaning me. WAHH ! my bf there laugh only and agrees to everything. >.<

he look cute anyway. haha !

there ! this is what i meant. we sat at this place for one hr okays ! waiting for the show to start cause alot of ppl would filled the place before half an hr of the show. (kiasu i know)

FAMILY PHOTO ! ;D

oh, our theme for this family trip is to wear red ! but uh, some idiot never inform the other family members ):

AND AND AND ! i must tell this thing. MY BF GOT A FREAKING MISTRESS LA CAN ! WHICH IS HO JESSLYN ! they were holding hand and pass me all the fans and water bottles to hold ): then they walked till so far holding hands so sweet. WHILE ME ! i was walking at the back pouting my lips pulling a long faceeee )):

anyway !best pic of the day ! ;D

AND AND AND ! i purposely show jess my sad face, she know smth alr ! then i told her i was sad, she say " GIVE UBACK LA GIVE U BACK LA !" walaooo ! my bf like a 'thing' to her la ? SMART ASSS ! give me when she use finish alr. what an ass. I oso want to do that ! ;D

mummy with bf (:

Jess was so funny. She was saying, " come come, let the boy boy girl girl tgt tgt take pic" then she was making all the couple, where my mom always stick her head to every couple. so she shouted " AH YI ! (which is aunty in chinese) GO AWAY ! YOU GOT NO BF SO CANNOT TAKE !" and we all break into laughters. haha.

my uncle and his wife (:

the birthday boy with his gf !

birthday boy's papa mama (:

there ! my mom getting into the picture again -.-!!

i saw my friend anyway, it's all 1991 ppl's friends. haha !

AND YOU STINKS LA, YOU THIS FRIEND. GO SHOWER MAN !!

white peacock. pardon for the shitty pictre.

jess wanna sit the tram. so i found this and tadahhh !

and it's raining after we watched the performance ): we were at kids world alr. leaving to next destination seeing all the ugly animals. but we stayed at this boat station lor ):

I GOT BIGGER EYES !

end with a lovely 3 kids photos! (:

with my best of the best picture with boyfriend too ! ;D

Having shoots tmr, meeting esther at 8.45am.

need wake up at 7am ):

then tmr after that meeting bf ! i wanna go try queen and mangosteen la ! SOHPIA'S EATING ALL THE CHICKEN WING ! i wanna grab it soon ! heh ! now i'm hungry ): sian, bf dont allow me go supper as i have to wake up so so so early tmr. good girl lor ): he ask me blog, i blog. BAHHAHA ! so boliao right. But anyway, i wanna go for some massage soon too ! HEH ! (: waiting for my pay then treat bf ! hope it's good. need hear from esther too ! ;D

NIGHTS EVERYONE ! slp early Mr bf, i know u'll peep my blog before u sleep or when you woke up (: see ya tmr !

Xoxo;

writtern @11:23 PM