Roxanne


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Roxanne(:

I'm a person who must learn how to stop loving others as much as i used to

(:


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Saturday, May 30, 2009


I'M ANGRY.

I REALLY AM.
FUCKING angry.



FUCK THE SHIT.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.


oh fuck.
-.-!

writtern @10:56 PM


I'm losing my grip.
Were you even here ?










A moment like this.
I wouldn't even want it.




Dear lord,
on my knees can you hear my pray ?
Is he really out there i need to know.
Cause my whole life, i search the whole world.
Let me be the special girl.

writtern @1:25 AM

Sunday, May 24, 2009


And i wanna believe you,
When you tell me that i'll be ok.
Yea, i try to believe you.




But i dont.


Not now, not tomorrow, not the day after.
Not ever again.
In fact, Never.

Never will it happen anymore.





Hopes, Dashed.
Heart, Breaks.
Love, Gone.
Days, Dull.
You, Me.




Nothing.

writtern @7:30 PM

Friday, May 22, 2009


it's birthday and birthday and birthday.
Hate people laughing when they are so happy on their birthday.











i'm so envy. ):
sucks.

writtern @2:36 AM

Wednesday, May 20, 2009



Photo credits to Victor.







i wanted to say so much things. But i'm restricting myself. I cant seems to know if i'm doing it right or wrong. You're still someone important in my life.



I just dont know how to tell you how i feel right now, when i feel like a toy when during in and out of a relationship.

i love a man in my life, but he walks in and out of my life.
I try to believe you, not today.

writtern @11:39 PM





And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

[Chorus:]

I don't know how to feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just do

Gimme a lil time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

[Chorus:]

I don't know how to feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

And I know I'm not ready,
Maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...










I wanted to sing this song so much from the bottom of my heart.
That day it was suppose to be a delightful day, but it turned out to be disastrous.
a D&D day. laughs.
I know how yellow and tanned i am in the picture. Using Nini's phone la. I want more singing, pls ! And and, i yearn for a miniature schnuazer so much. sobs. I wanna hug and talk to them as they do hear you talk when u're upset. They're still the best loves in the world. They may not understand, but at least u talked things out. Aww.





I miss my puffy ):

writtern @1:36 AM

Monday, May 18, 2009


Dear little heart,

Please dont feel abused for whatever he had done.
Dont feel that you deserve this, because it takes two hands to clap.


Loves,
Roxanne.

writtern @11:57 PM

Friday, May 15, 2009


JOBS AVAILABLEEEE !

Email me at roxanne_91_luv@hotmail.com which crew u're interested AND send in your pictures(clear) to me.

Date: 29th May till 26th July 2009

Duration: 12:00 – 8:00pm daily

Crew A: Every Monday to Thursday within stated period

Crew B: Every Friday to Sunday within stated period

Main duties: Administer and assist in lucky draw redemption, and data entry

Do let us know if you have any keen parties, thanks J


writtern @9:36 PM


IT'S NECCESSARY TO BE "SELF-OBSESSED" WITH MYSELF !

Warning :
It's all webbycam photos. OHMYGOODNESSSSS,=/

Let's get startedddddd.



Call me a puffer fish. I wouldnt mind. But know your limit. *laughs*


I CAN WINK ! HELLO MY FRIENDS. THIS IS ME ! WITH NO BLOODY PHOTOSHOP, OKAYYYY ?! hahahha !


FAILED attempt.



i didnt know my webbycam have self timer when i'm exploring. and there goes my insanityyyy ! yes, without a camera phone or a camera, i have anther way. I GOT WEBCAM OK ! haha



oh, this one. Ignore pls. LOLL



i look sweet, am i ?

this is even sweeter. LOLLLLL ! sorry.


And u know what ? i'm going crazy. SCROLLLL MOREEEE !


(i know i'm smiling la. but, ughh !)
SAW THAT? BITCH !

*sorry for the finger*
PEACE OUT!

I started to like my bangs now, seriously. =/


it gets more sexier, and sweeter kind of look. HAHAHA !=/

ok, when i post good pictures, i'll post BAD PICTURES TOO !


I clipped the back of my hair, i look more demure. OH MY ! i rocks.


ROCK-SANDDDD ! (roxanne)


awwww. ;D


Goodnight to all.
I love working today, after working met up with SOS peeps. No supper ): NO nasi ayam penget. This is sad ): Well, work at there is such an easy money. *KACHING!*
money just roll in. YAYY !

writtern @1:40 AM

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Marini joined the Nuffnang contest for the famil day out.



I wanted to post it up, but i was counting how many family members do i have.
So let's just do a quick count :
-Grandparents (that's 2)
-Aunt, 2 cousin ( = 5)
-Mom, sis and me ( = 8)
-Uncle and his wife ( = 10)


And that's, " OOOPSS ! "

In addition, nuffnang could only give the winners 7 free tickets to the attraction.
How can it be even called a family outing when i'm not with total of 10 people. I'll left out three of my dearest member. It wouldnt be called happy either ?


If family considered, daddy and mummy with siblings.
Then i dont have one.





*laughs*

writtern @4:35 PM



Oh fuck man.
I'm seriously fucking tired. No lies. I'm serious. I was quite tired when i was going to meet Jh. And at the end of our date, i was lying on the bed motionless. Damn, i got up to chat with him a little while online. Intend to slp after that, but i have to go out to buy supper for these fuckers as grandma was sick. YET she still intend to drive me out and buy for these suckers. And grandma followed me, but hid it behind the bush. Then this woman came to use the comp, i tot she signed off mine and everything and i was about to hit to the sack when i'm home, again.



Then she came in and said " i'm done. Alot ppl talking to you."
And i was like, huh ? wasnt i sign-ed off ?
Damn, see who's chatting with me and did a little catch up. Ended up, grandma came walking to me to see these fuckers. There goes my fucking gloomy face. Well, dont blame me if my gastric re-acted, or even blaming me for having eye bags and dark rings or even that i'm fucking sick.


And i'm chatting online and doing these FB quizes to keep myself awake, to stay awake just for these bloody fuckers, and YOU ! came here to just let me hear that bloody fugly ringtone and show me your message with 4 bloody words and said u wanna use. Use, if u're not going to work tmr early in the morning waking up at 7am (when it's alr 330am!!!!) or you can take care of these bloody fuckers when they are working their hands on. Dont fucking bang the door behind me and telling me that idk ur stories.


First and foremost, why should i even fucking bother bout it when there's only HIM in ur mind and heart, but not US.


Secondly, tell me WHY should i even talk to you when u've guys already started planning about "these" things and u're converting to his religion.


THIRDLY !!!! WHY should i even bother about your feelings WHEN YOU ! dont even care for mine in the first place.


LASTLY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if u do smth for me(at least), i'll give u the best if i can do it. But u're not showing it at all.
Not even a little.
Ooops, to be precise, NOT AT ALLLLLLLLL !


take it, bitch.
I'm all done with you.






fucking done it all.

writtern @3:17 AM

Saturday, May 09, 2009


This was a week back, was too busy to blog about it, and alot of blogs had already post what i'm going to blog about today la ? LOL ! I coped all the pictures from these models blogs one la. Pathetic, all too busy then no time to chat in msn to send pictures. *roars*



Was at NAUMI hotel suite room. Wonderful suite i've been. I love it to the max ! ;D soaking my feet and gazing the scenery, the stars and the moon. perfect date for the day. But, too bad ! Bf wasnt there. ):

Esther, Me, Derrick.
Derrick didnt know he's in the picture, just going what simon's wanted. And we were all surprised with the picture outcome. And we rolled on the floor laughing at it. LOL


We were at the pool's big cushion taking photos. ;D


The lovely organiser with her assistant, which is me ! ;D


ok, esther insist not to jump, but i inisit to have a jump shot. so we took this =/ but uh ! this miner ar, she damn funny. her head got cut. oops =/



Derrick head too. =/ he wanna kick me la. basket. -.-!



Threesome loves ! ;D


Me, reiee and sophiaaaa ! we were just too bored when the shoots are going on.



We merely camwhored the whole day. Oh my.
Shuana, Me, Reiee, Sophia and Mable ! ;D
I bet i look extraordinary here =/ i'm the only one who did the peace sign.


Esther, me, sophia, miner. =p
Simon's at the background. spoiling the whole shit.

WEETS ! ;DD


They all twist, except me ! irriating ): And i didnt do the peace sign, but they did ! sobs ):


We look so lovely, uh ? LOLL =/



PS ! IT'S HORROR SCENES BELOW !

NC 16 !





i totally love the pictures !
infrared camera. COOOL !







It look so cool, and we look so scary too. oh my. -.-!
PS ! i cant tahan the damn weather ! screw it!
PSS ! i need to go swimming !
PSS: I HAVE YET TO FIND SHOPPING LOVES TO SHOP WITH ME ON WEEKDAYS !
psss ! i'm busy. GTG !

writtern @3:30 PM

Friday, May 08, 2009


):



i heard something that, wasnt meant to be.


i've got the shock of my life,
and i'm still stuck.




I dont know what can i say.
speechless.

writtern @5:56 PM


OH MY !

it's super uberly early. =/
It's 3.30 am now. OOOPPSSSSYYY !
Guess why am i awake ? Grandma told me to keep an eye on the mj kakees. I hope i'm not deprived from sleep if she's waking me up tmr EARLY to do some house chores. I can die ): If i am about to slp, i must wake her up. ( Maybe i can give him a morning msg just as he open his eyes hearing his phone vibrate. HAHA ! Weeets! )

BUT BUT BUT !

it comes to a qn where i want to ask, would you bear to wake up your going to 60 yr old grandma up JUST BECAUSE you're going to slp ? WHEN SHE HAVE or even a MUST to wake up 530 am everyday (including sunday maybe at 7am) to make breakfast and coffee for my sister and grandpa.

If i was her, i think i'll heck my husband, just do some light breakkyfast in the morning and let him have his fill for a little. Then go to work, HIMSELF if we got a car. =/ But but but ! grandma send grandpa to work, EVERYDAY. She's the best housewife among ALL the wifey at home ok !

NO OFFENCE ! But i think, she's better than your mom ! *evil laugh*



BECAUSE SHE ROCKS MORE THAN MY MOM LA CAN ?! WOW. ( like a few million to the power of trillions time)

ps : i haven been seeing my mom for almost a week. ): she went to KL during the long weekends, and she didnt came back on monday in the morning but went straight to work. Then, till now, i dont know where she is.

-.-!


I realised that, i dont even have the courage to dial her number and ask


"mummy, where are you ?"



worst of all, i dont think i did that for mnths or even a yr. i dont know. =/

writtern @3:29 AM

Thursday, May 07, 2009


Oh my. What did i just screwed up again ?

It's kind of weird that i know your temper so well, but i still insisted on testing you time and time again. I know i'm such a bad gf, but i didnt know i can choose to live happier. Which is to give in. I just did, effortlessly. And i know that's another start i can give to our relationship. What a day i have to end for you, my apology. I had no idea why i did that too, so here sincerely telling you sorry, as u're so hot headed just now, that u exploded and came back online just to tick me off.

-.-!

Well, i guess that's the point i can learn to accept from you now. Laughs.... It used to be, how you handle things. But now, another point i learnt again, is to give in to your temper when i know how to. YES ! It's a new start.

WEEETTTSSSS !


Well, it takes 19 mnths, for such things to realise. Thanks for your patient. Really. (:

writtern @10:56 PM

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


I think my anger had triumph over me.
And, i could read my book, peacefully again.
I love the book i'm reading now, like seriously.
I can cry over it. ):
How sad can it be. hmmm

writtern @1:36 AM

Tuesday, May 05, 2009


hey baby (:

when times i get so upset,
all i thought was only you.
and when things get so down,
you're the only one in my mind.
and when things go wrong in our relationship,
i find that everything's impossible.

though the mist blurred my vision,
i know i'll still be able to see you.
through ur warm, your love and the touch u've given me.
and the more i stay close to ur heart,
the more i feel terrified,
its either im just too afraid of getting being hurt,
or just that ur love was too fragile.

and yea, it might be selfish,
all u have to know is,

i still love you (:

sorry for my foolishness just now ):
was pretty upset bout what i've read.
though its part of it.
alot alot alot of question just came to my mind
without me knowing whats going on.



--------------------------------------------------------------


hiya love, (:

i know its been real hard for you these few days,

or even, a week ago ?

due to your mom ? that makes you so upset ?

and here, making a nuisance,

and stressing you even more ?

more and more demanding gf you've got ?

that causes both of us to be upset ?

though i've thought of breaking up the past few days,

i always tell myself, there'll be sunshine after the rain.

with no doubt, you've proven me (:

idk how, but yea. i can just smile the next day,

when i know your heart still with me (:

after so much obstacles we've been thru,

i don wanna hear it from myself,

or even by you ?

telling each other that we're tired,

and wanna break off.

if after so much we've been thru,

and letting it go so easily,

i couldnt bear to.

i'll breakdown, and i know i still wanna spend times with you,

when im so in love with you now ?

when i haven even share my times with you wisely?

i wanna know bout you more,

i wanna know alot alot of things when im with you,

i wanna be the one who u think of before u slp, and when u woke up.

because thats what i do always. always sweets (:

i've been praying for you,

writing down on papers,

praying that you'll be alright at home,

no quarrel with mom and anything that makes you down always.

though sometimes, thats me ?

this lil girl who always bring you down,

who always let you upset,

and make you angry ?

but still, you forgive me each time i do that ?

im seriously afraid of these lil things that i do to make u upset,

ended up, breaking relationships that were not meant to end that fast.

i don wanna stop loving you when i haven get prepared ?

though these upset-ness or even those angryness that i've caused,

or either you've caused without us realising it,

it might bring us to a step higher of this r/s.

i hope none of us will do these again.

i know you'll wanna break up with me when i've been giving u problems that were not meant to be.

i seems to know you well, yet, i find myself knowing you nth, nothing and just nothing.

i really feel that im a lousy gf,

who cant be there for you when u really need me.

though i can sense your belonging,

but do u sense me ? do you really ?

and though you always tell me how much you love me,

and now you've always treasure me,

and telling me how impt i am to you now,

and do you know that,

i've always know all these from the beginning of our relationship ?

though sometimes it may not be true,

still, i manage to convince myself that.

you're still my love,

and im still your sweets (:

i remember you telling me that,

one more quarreling this mnth,

we're ending this relationship.

seems like threatening more or less,

but still, i have to voice out before everything just become nothing in the end.

hopefully,

you'll still have me in your mind,

and knowing that, i'll still be holding on to you,

and walk down of this road that we're going tgt (:

i love you sweets,

i really do.

till idk who am i sometimes,

you've been my drug,

and you're my addiction.

that i've been thinking.

always.

(:

------------------------------------------------------------------

hello love !

here's smth for you before i leave? lols. don smile smile when you look at this email k, don gehgeh ! stop hiding your feelings k ! stop it k. LOL !

i had wonderful time with you today. okay, i admit we chatted smth that ruined our mood somehow, but still ! i know we gona move on and say hi to our future tgt. there'll be a door for us to enter, and show us how much we had treasure each other and everything (: as long as there's you, i know there'll be sunshin after the rain (: there'll be rainbows too !

this time round, we're gona hold hand tgt and walk thru the darkness. we gona stand by each other and kick away those obstacles that get in MY/ YOURS / OUR way. lols =/

you always seems to wanna know why do i love you ?

there's no answer to your question my dear.

loving you may have alot of reasons,

due to anything. which happen before, next or after.

urm, you might not understand. =/ i admit my england very the powderful though =/ hehh

but still, you have to know that.

loving you, kept me going on with my life (:

and when i say i wanna have vacation tgt with you,

wanna be with you everyday,

wanna chat with you,

wanna be with you,

and just wanna do anything/everything with you,

that could simply means i love you (:

therefore i wanna do these thang, just with you.

love you sweetheart (:

hope to see ya soon in 4 days time ! heh =/

hugs (:

Lots of loves, and kisses (:

Roxy (:

----------------------------------------------------------------

A small request from you ;

read your mails i've sent to you.

If it doesnt help to ceased your emotions.

i think it's my turn to say goodbye.


writtern @10:51 PM

Sunday, May 03, 2009


I remember, the first day i met you. (:



















PS : i may switch blog.

writtern @1:08 AM