ROXANNE (;

Friday, January 15, 2010

It was all misunderstanding and it's cleared.

Few days ago i changed my URL for an escape-dooooo. Don't really wish to be seen with my tweets on the right hand side of my page. Well, since things are well now. I guess i'm back here :)

A lot of problems and chaos today. Broke down, much. Thought i would never see my sister and baby sister again. Long story but well, I'm over with it alr :D

Look forward for a better future and i seriously need to shop for my CNY clothes alr. I'll then be busy on next week starting from friday till the 12th feb! :)

My munks munks haven't watched yet :(
And met up with gf only for awhile and rushed home. stinks
MEET UP SOON GIRLS!

SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!

writtern @11:13 PM

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I felt hurt all over again.
The pain is here all over again.
I'm foolish all over again.
I'm heartbroken, all over again.

I'm really sick of this feeling.
I've been so good and obedient. I've been so loving, nice and understanding. I've been giving my all to him. But look what has been done again? I'm feeling all the shit and shit and shit and all the shit again.

I'm trembling while crying. While typing, i'm crying.
I'm breathing so hard. It's so hard to breathe. This is the hurt where my grandpa last died so many yrs ago. This is fuck bad. He does it all over again. Why must my friends always guess it right where i'm always the one putting my head in and make myself so miserable again?

I've been protecting him, for how many protest i've get from my family and friends but i still stand up for him. Why do i always like to dream and hurt myself again and again? It'l never end this heart break.

I've really given my all and no quarrels all these months but it's all happening again. Since i'm the one given my all, where's his part? I'm all fucked up.

writtern @4:23 PM

Friday, January 08, 2010

I'm getting a little shaky from all the comments.

Why are there people out there telling me i'm so faithful, i'm so over in love, so naive and dumb.

I mean, i may sound very one sided love in my previous post. It sounds so much that i'm only the one loving him, but not on his point. But, how do i even stop loving? How do i even stop remembering him when i want to forget him? It's not that i'm giving up now. But as long as there's love, there's hope.

I have this very weird belief in myself which idk if you guys do have it. I wont let go of whom i love even though he's kinda irrelunctantly to get together with me in a relationship or showing how he meant to be (be it friends or love). I dont know, because people have feelings don't they? After all, it's more than 2 yrs relationship. So much things that you can't compile and write them all out in a single day and night. That's how naive i am that i can even tell myself it's not one sided. ( But i really don't know if i am)

Eventually, one day i have to let it go when things ain't working out anymore. In every ways i try to salvage and revive these moments or memories, it doesn't mean happily ever after.

And yes, previous post sounded like i'm fuck dumb to think like that. But i think i believe in my intuition that we still have that mutual feelings between us :) Asking me why am i like that and why haven't i found a new guy? Because he's all i can ask for. I'm tooooooo tooooo toooo so much used with him that it became a habit, my life and everything that plays a part with him in my life.

He may fuck behind my back (speechless), flirt behind my back or even in front (worst)! He may even be dating some girls which i may not know, already fall out of love and no more feelings with me. He may even have an eye candy and not wanting me anymore. He can even leave anytime as and when he likes because we have no strings attached.

THAT'S the insecurity you get from a no status relationship. That's the shit you will be thinking sometimes and wondering are you the only one making the effort. It's been more than 6mnths or more since i hear that 3 words caming from his mouth. Or did the last 2yrs+ relationship did he even say it from his mouth but only text? I dont know man, i'm confused and really feeling insecure now. From the way you talk now, it seems so different 7 days ago (exact).

I can miss him so much even when he's beside me.
What's wrong with me now?

suck and fml.

writtern @11:53 PM

Sunday, January 03, 2010

I can't deny the fact that relationship plays a big part of my life.

For those who understand this sentence, then i don't have much to explain. But for those who doesn't understand that sentence, it's so much more for me to explain.

However, on the other hand if i have to explain you wouldn't know and would still not understand what the hell am i going about because you'll still be in ur faith where you believe that relationship doesn't matter at all in your life.

Just like how you believe relationship doesn't plays a BIG part in your life, but me on the other hand i believe.
Not only do i believe it does play a big part of my life, it gives me a special feel and satisfaction in my heart be it good or bad. Be it whether we're happy together or sad.

Everything we do/talk give a sense of security or not. It gives people the emotions that a lot out there are hunting for one. When one's comfortable with their partner, it's so hard to let go when you know things wont work out. When things don't work out, you'll always be finding solutions to all your problems that arised. Even though you cant, no matter how hard you try you just wouldnt let go.

A matter of fact, you just want your partner here no matter how good or bad the situation is. No matter how much you've been through, how long that you've been together or anything else you have done for your partner, you just dont want to let them go and be with another person.

No, i'm not talking about me being attached and falling in love with another boy, or rather man. hahaha.
I'm talking about, it doesnt mean that you have to be given a status of 'bf' or 'gf' so u'll be happy and secured.

Then why are there always people breaking up from relationships when people are IN a relationship are not happy while i'm OUT of the relationship yet i can still be happy more than those people in r.s. You get what i'm catching at? (i hope nobody's shaking their head )

In conclusion :
You just dont need to have a status. You dont need to be in a relationship to be happy. And when i say relationship plays a big part in my life, it means i have someone to love and someone who loved me. Aint that all that matters? Eventually if there's a mutual feeling for both, why bother so much about commitment, having him or her or feeling etc and everything.

It complicates both the girl and the boy. Then everything tends to turn sour and everything turns out wrong and therefore there's break ups everywhere in this world. People feeling heart wrenched over what they lost. But look at what you lost, you'll definitely gain something..

I'm not afraid to say, i lost my status as a gf but i gain happiness with him. Being with him, being able to give happiness to him, being able to have fun and simple time with him, it's more than how you can ever imagine being in a relationship.

Look at the brighter side, being in a r.s doesnt mean happiness and everything and ur so happily ever after.

It'll definitely be better after break ups. :)

writtern @4:11 PM

Sunday, December 27, 2009

My heart beat's slowing down.
It's getting a little hard to breathe.

The feelings of hurt are back once again.
It'll never end, this pain.

writtern @10:08 PM

This is for people, who have lost their laughter.

Where they seems to realise that they're not laughing as much.

It's just a click away. You'll just smile :)

writtern @1:51 AM

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I'm upset

On how i look upon others.
How i have this perspective of view for people.
Why do i have these negative thoughts about people who loves me or whoever they are.

I know, and always know that every other people have their own difficulties and reasons for things they do and react or so whatever. But the actions they do leaves an impression on me or even all of us.

Is always negative or positive, either way.
It's either they let me have the disgusted feeling or a very disappointed feeling.

I mean, i know how much that person is going thru outside. I know how much hardship that person is having now. I know how bad the situation is now. I know how upset that person or however that person's feeling. Or whatver that person is thinking on how that person life is.

I'm really disheartened when i see that person's face. When i know how that person wrinkles gets more. The eye bags gets heavier. It gives me the thoughts of, thinking that i've not taken a real good look on that person. It's much like, i've not dared to look at that person anymore.

In such, i've cried in my heart with full of disappointments when i know we're drifted. We no longer know one another and we're more of a stranger in our heart.

I'm enough of my descriptions for my heart wrenching stories.

writtern @12:17 AM

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Seriously, i wanna watch princess and the frog.
AND BLOODY NOBODY WANTS TO WATCH IT WITH ME.
__

And why is it that when i want to watch a show that hardly is to anyone's liking! But when it's not to my liking, YET I STILL WATCH WITH THEM. fml.

Screw all of you who made me feel this way.

: D

HAHAHAHHAA! LIFE FUCKING ROCKS LA. ccb. -.-

writtern @12:27 AM

I loveeeee to be loved from whom i love.
I totally feel loved from those whom i loved love me.
I mean, isn't it cool to be feeled very loved from whom you loved too ?

COOL OR WHAT?
COMPLICATED?

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, AGAIN!

HUAHAHAHA!
Nights! <3

writtern @12:02 AM

Sunday, December 20, 2009

MY SWEET 18TH! : )

First and foremost,
let me thanks for those who wish me first!
Everyone's asking if they were the FIRST to text me or wish me or call me. BUT ALL SO WRONG! Hahaha! Because Charles was the first though. =/

Somehow it seems that everyone's snatching to be the first. MAKES ME FEEL SO IMPORTANT that they really want to be the first and when the clock strikes 11.59.55pm, they'll quickly click the send button after they've typed everything out! Haha.

Then i've got a call from australia who's my Godbro for many yrssssss, he called just to wish me and then Weishing. Then the msn facebook and texts. They are just so awesome. Not forgetting i have a note from my bestie! She made me cry after i've fight back all my tears from all the wishes i'm receiving. And she's the first to make me cry on my first 10 mins of 18th. How coooool! And i was literally smiling and laughing to myself in the room. Overwhelmed with happiness and tears with laughter

<3

Two days before my birthday. Worked with Jayley. It was a horrible and fun day. Because a lot of shits happen. But i dont have to elaborate it cause it'll be kinda crazy if i do.

Dinner with collegues on tuesday night! While waiting for our boss, guess what this idiot Serena's doing ?! SHE'S SHAKING ! Ok, masturbating. OK
NO.
HAHAHHA!
She's playing with Wasabi la can?!?!
RETARDEDLY UNGLAM!

besides she's hiding the wasabi under the table and literally shaking like how guys do! AND SO I WHEN I SNAP THIS! JUST NICE LOOKS LIKE IT. SEE THE FACE. WORST!
she's trying to show me that when the wasabi are turning round and round and round....

It'll turn out like this. -.-zzZZzz

Then on thursday, my bithday !
Met nini first. It was kinda a grumpy start of my day. But somehow it just got better. I didnt expect them to have 3 surprises. After all, it was much of a fun :D

Dont think i'm gona elaborate more too. Because it's just too much. BUT IF SOMEONE ASK HOW I CELEBRATE MY BDAY! I will never say "nahhh, forget about asking me"

Because i'll say " i have my sweetest 18th birthday of all the years i've gone thru. Due to all the loves and everyone trying to make it work and making so much effort. I love them all! <3"

They brought me to ECP to blade. They must have know that i'm craving much much! ^^

Then they bought me this as a "First present" to make me think that, THAT'S MY ONLY present. Haha.

Which is the most ugliest G-string in the world i've seen and swear i wont buy even though i'm gona try.
But they really dumb go buy till so expensive where they can get it for $2.90. Hahaha! I dont wear them but i know WHAT'S THE PRICE for those. =/

REEEAAAAAAAL KICK IS THIS :

I'VE GOT THE COOLEST BLADE LA PLS!

Dont be jealous OK! =/

Ok, this is random. Snap picture of jayley working while on friday my wrist was hurting very badly. So i didnt work much since there aint much crowd : )

AFTER WORK MET UP WITH CHARLES!
Then with uncle (his best friend) and his gf!

Crystal Jade at Paragon.

Damn, i was really stress while sitting at the huge sofa and the tables. Why eat dinner oso must so stress one.

It was on Charles that night and the bill for four is 200 BUCKS!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

This is buddha jump wall. I think =/

We shared this though. Contains shark fin, abalone, mushroom, herbal chicken, fish maw, idk what's the orange dates, sea cucumber.

Ok la, all in all, IT'S ALL THE PRECIOUS FOOD IN THE WORLD LA. zomg. -.-
It's my first time eating though. hahahah!

Butter factory that night. SUCKS MAD! left after inside one hour and slept even before the party's going to end! First time so mad early home. lol

oh, this is my uncle's gf :)

woke up the next day, this girl trying to act cute and be a character of HI-5 lady. HAHAHA! Damn er xin.

Miss my bag,
took a snap shot of it when i'm still on bed!

This is bought my Charles.

If u ever remember, my cousin's gf fall the same birthday as Charles. On my cousin's birthday which falls on 7th Dec, isn't it very coincident that his gf bought the same brand for my cousin while CHARLES bought the same for me too?!

Just that my cousin one was a wallet and mine's a bag. OH MY GOSHHHHHH!

Even my aunt was shock and tot i told Charles what the gf bought for cousin. o.0

Idk how do you pronounce this brand but all i know is damn f%#king ex. -.-!

A wallet can cost $400, idk what's this bag man ?

Looks scary enough alr. -.-

On saturday night, had a belated celebration with HALF of my family where others are studying / working / busy. My hyped of 18th bday was then gone. BUT STILL COOL! : )

My bitch on the roll bebeh! :D

This is my bitch's mama. Which is my grandma! haha

Had fish and co! Was real bloated and the mussels was REAL GOOOOD! : )

Jesslyn's being an ass for smiling like that. BUT I STILL LOVE IT! Hahaha!

3 days before and 2 days after your birthday, u get a 10% discount! :D

Sissy and meeeeee.

She sent me a sister msg on my birthday make me cry can. What an asssss.

She did a photo montage that i cant help but love it much. I'LL RUSH HER TO UPLOAD TO LAPPY THEN UPLOAD HERE OR SMTH!

Because it just ROCKS MUCH! :D

Grandparents are so LOVED! Ate so much and grandpa sent $160 for 7! While friday's dinner $200 for 4. I even felt the pinch though i wasnt the one paying.

:S

I CANT HELPED BUT SHOW HOW MY AUNT LOVE TO ACT CUTE. And she called it seducing.

HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. LAUGH OUT LOUD PLSSSSSSSSSSS!

I just want to be a cinderella.. Haha : )

Even my aunt wants to be. -.-!

Yo yooooo wassup!

Ktv after dinner as they want to hear jessy sing. But end up, SHE DIDNT SING LOR. SUCKS! Was there till 12.45 and home!

As usual, ending up with myself again! :D

My friends said : " i've been 18th for so long. AND OH DEAR, You're just 18 when i'm about to be 19."

FOR THOSE WHO SAID THAT, SHIT YOU. BECAUSE 17 DECEMBER 1991 IS MY LOVELIEST DAY EVER! I CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE 1712 MORE THAN UR BIRTHDAY.

PEK! U SEE THIS?! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Kidding :D

I love all who made so much effort. Most of all, Nini and boma for all the plans and surprises and those who followed them. Getting presents and all the hassle and problems! :D

Xoxo.

writtern @3:40 PM