fuck my life

2011-07-05T01:28:00.001+08:00

I can't tell anyone what I really want now.

I just need that someone to tell me those words that I need.

I don't wanna fall apart.

2011-05-02T02:55:00.001+08:00

i'm always always, hungry.

2011-04-03T02:43:00.002+08:00

I'm giving up.

Too tired making myself so miserable.

Don't know why am I doing like this either.

2011-03-30T01:46:00.002+08:00

It felt like, twitter no longer helps me in venting my frustration.

Explaining my sadness and disappointments.

My heartbreaks and anger.

Everything's just not helping anymore and it hurts so bad now to realize that something isn't mine anymore.

I thought it happen just a couple of weeks ago. But hahaha (laughing at myself), it already did happen for two months.

Time fly, so fast. Without you realizing that the time doesn't wait till your heartbreak heals.

But why am I living in denial, in pain and in the dark.

This is not a question.

2011-03-30T01:41:00.001+08:00

It hurts, like a bitch.

2011-03-05T02:34:00.000+08:00

I can't help changing myself.

2011-03-05T02:21:00.001+08:00

It's time to acknowledge that you have left.

2011-02-19T01:32:00.001+08:00

心很酸痛

2011-01-31T03:04:00.001+08:00

Hello

I'm back to the same old town with the same old heartache by the same old guy (:

2010-12-13T01:47:00.003+08:00

I'm not used to life without you.

3 years plus of loving you, must it come to a halt?

I never thought of moments like this would break my heart so badly.

All the time it does with all the break ups but if I were to stop chatting with you suddenly, not meeting you up every weekends, not being able to see you and hold you and not hugging you when I needed you the most has already broke me down mentally.

I don't know but I don't wanna feel so tired with you quarreling over things.

Thinking that i'm always at the fault but not you.

I dislike your insensitivity towards my feelings.

It doesnt work one way, but both.

I took an effort but you let it slip all the time.

Well, of course you making choices like this all the time prolly it's because of me that's left unsaid within you.

You said well done to me because I initiated a break up, but look who did it ruthlessly.

It's okay if you don't love me anymore.

That will be the only way for me to move on when you already did.

No point being sad all the time when you no longer thinks or have thoughts about me anymore.

2010-12-01T23:28:00.001+08:00

Things I didn't like you to do, you did.

Twice in two days, consecutive.

I'm so, disappointed.

2010-12-01T22:20:00.000+08:00

The girl who seemed unbreakable, broke.
The girl who always laughed, cried.
The girl who never stopped trying, gave up.
She dropped her fake smile as a tear rolled down her cheek, and she whispered to herself , 'i can't do this anymore.'

2010-11-15T23:50:00.001+08:00

Super upset and disappointed with a broken heart.

It just shows that you don't care about how I feel.

You are just insensitive towards the things I face, the way I think and the way I feel.

Its different.

2010-11-08T23:34:00.002+08:00

I just want to solve every problems that arise.

I don't want to leave any missing puzzles in the jigsaw picture.

I want it perfectly imperfection even though life doesn't seems to give what I always wish for and ask for.

2010-11-07T01:26:00.001+08:00

I always wanted to be there.

2010-10-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

YUUUHOOOO!

THE THING IS WE DON'T SHARE.

_|_

2010-10-29T00:14:00.001+08:00

I have the urge to leave everything behind.

I'm not angry or having any emotions that kills me inside.

But I just felt that, I need to leave.

It's not a want, but a need.

2010-10-05T23:00:00.002+08:00

Actually, I'm not fine with it.

To make it worst, if everyone of whom i love (including friends) tells me that they are tired of living. I'm tired of hearing it too.

Because you guys never listened even though I tried my best to convince. Even if I tried to make it work, you won't make your ass move.

The one that smiles when she's sad, laugh when she felt like crying and hide when she tear hurts the most.

2010-09-14T14:07:00.000+08:00

I'm just tired of Ordinary.

2010-09-09T00:59:00.002+08:00

Just how long can this pain do to me?

I don't want to feel the hurt when I think I'm all well.

I really, want to stop pretending,

In fact, I'm not even sure are you the one that makes me upset.

We're not contacting, not at all.

Why is it just so painful to let it go.

2010-09-03T03:58:00.001+08:00

I may never have the courage to love anyone as much as I do for you.

And that, suck just as much as my life.

2010-08-25T02:40:00.002+08:00

If you don't know where's home.

Come to me babe, come to me.

I'll let you feel how home is suppose to be.

How the warmth keeps you alive.

Not zombies that live like dead.

Be happy. Don't be pessimistic. Please cheer up.

Please don't have these thought any more.

My mum generally ask what happen to you.

She hopes that you'll get better and wishes to meet up and wanting me to bring you out with her to have some fun. Which I don't know what.

Mummy loves you. Mummy do. All Mummy loves their children. Silly, you're just overwhelmed by your problems and troubles. You'll be fine once you share. One by one.

Slowly.

Thank you, for living through yesterday.

Thank you.

2010-08-24T04:21:00.002+08:00

Every part of your life is a game.

I just played the worst game ever that's called Love.

I suck at it and I failed.

I died terribly and it felt like it's game over.

K.O.

Continue?

2010-08-24T04:20:00.001+08:00

Hahahaha.

Wanna marry me? :)

2010-08-20T16:06:00.002+08:00

Everyone has a different part of roles they have to play.

Well, you don't have to play a part in every roles you think you want to be.

That's why we named people as your boyfriend, best friend, mom dad and other family members.

My dear best friend, you can't fill the hole in my heart because one of the person who plays my role in my life has gone. Your job as a best friend is just as simple. Simply asking me " OH GIRL, YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT GIRL?! and then we'll start bitching. Oh girl, ARE YOU FREE FOR MEET UPS!? WE NEED SOME CATCH UP SOON! OH GIRL! I want to gossip with you so much about this guy. OH BABY GIRL, YOU KNOW WHAT, I FELL IN LOVE WITH THESE GUYS THAT'S SOOOO CUTE! And baby girl, you know i have some family problems that's making me so hard to stay home. And oh baby girl ......." all sorts of things that we will talk under the dark or bright sky.

Where my boyfriend, will be the one that fill my hopes. Make me love somebody more than I do. Hugs and kisses that's different from any others. It's just different from how best friend should react to. Unless, I'm a lesbian and I fall for you.

I know people always say that they can't have the best of both world. But these are not my both worlds. These are not. My world doesn't revolve around the both of you. But many others too. So how much can I give to these people that mean to my life too when I've been coping myself to the two of you. That the two of you had made me feel so tired of my life more than any others do. The both of you had made me felt like I'm dead inside. You both left me, saying you are here. But in times, i felt the both of you gone. Gone away as far as you both used to do.

Pushing me away like I'm some toy. Telling me how much you both miss me and love me about how I love to. No, not referring that you both are the same. I can only see how my life goes. I can't see how you both survive or what makes you both upset and happy. It seems like I no longer plays a part in you both life. My role in yours has gone far away too.

Trying so hard to keep myself struggling to juggle the both of you together in my life, you both left. My efforts were never shown just like how you think yours were never shown too. I can only see that you both lost one person, which is me.

But in my life, I've lost two most important of my life. Ha, joke. BOTH, I JUST SAID BOTH. So you both think that it's only boyfriend and best friend? I've been keeping to myself about how hurt I am, I've stopped talking to my family. I woke up at 1030, prepare and go to school to study. 5, I work till 11. Reaching home at 11plus where the house is dark and nobody's awake. Slept at 4am every "morning" just to keep myself occupied till I feel like crashing. This cycle repeats and I love it like this. That's when I don't even have the time to think of the both of you. But you know what? When I'm alone, is the time I know I've broken down.

I can't understand your lives. I will never do unless you tell, unless you share. I don't know how much hurt I've inflict on the both of you. But I can only feel how much hurt I've gotten in return.

Don't tell me that I don't understand and never put myself in your shoes. I DID, I TRIED. But, my wrongs and mistakes has overwhelmed that you can't see my deeds anymore.

White flag.

I declared that I'm lost.

You guys win okay?

I just want to lose everything now.

Everything.

Fuck the world.

2010-08-19T23:56:00.001+08:00

I'm tired of playing mind games.

I'm tired of playing love games.

I'm tired of everything that has to do with emotions.

I'm physically tired. Mentally tired.

Fuck the whole universe.

Because of your love, I'm fucked up. Messed up. TOTAL FUCKING UPSIDE DOWN WITH MY LIFE. FUCK IT!

2010-08-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

Have you ever feel like you've lost everything in your life?

Tonight, I felt like I've lost everybody.

2010-08-18T04:02:00.002+08:00

We may be together for three years, but never once celebrate Valentines' day. It makes me wonder how much does it feels like exactly.

You may say that every day is a valentine day, I agree that too. But you don't cherish me. What makes me stay has become the part of making me leave. You may love me differently from any other guys outside, you're just special from any one out there. They celebrate every month of getting together, we celebrate once even after being three years together. HAHAHA!

The guys gave flowers to the girls and had a lovely dinner with their monthsary, you only gave me once during our first anniversary. Okay, just something special about us luh. When I think of it, I'll just reminisce and laugh at it. But when we're together, I'll get upset over it because YOU ARE NOT MAKING ME SECUREEEE!

BOOOHOOOO, MY BLOODY VALENTINE.

2010-08-17T03:22:00.002+08:00

What's so good about this lady here?

But wait, there's something really good about this woman that bring the best out of me. She can never be like any others that change me to become, better. That wait for me, none like others. That understands me more than, any others do. She's too good that makes it so hard to describe with words about how imperfectly beautiful she is.

She's my most ever proud lady I ever known in my life other than my family members. She's Marini As'ari.

2010-08-15T00:29:00.001+08:00

I don't know what to do any more.

2010-08-14T16:05:00.002+08:00

Not as simple as you thought it is.

Not as easy as you think it will be.

Not as crazy you thought I would be.

I'm taking baby steps like you asked me to. Thanks for all the advice, thanks for all the courage you gave me. Thanks for every little things you've done for me. But I decide my life, myself. I do what I want to do. Not you instructing me what should I do. To get back with him or not. To be happy or not. To do what I'm suppose to do just because you expect or wish me to do all these.

And I'm not saying you are someone that treats me like a maid or something so I'm someone that listens to you. But you must know that, no one will understand other's relationships. I am not trying to tease you saying that you don't understand. Not only am I having these pains that inflicts me because of love, there's so many others out there having the same fate as mine. So am I suppose to tell you all these people that confronted to me about love and heartaches?

Girl, I'm not saying that you're pushing me down or something. I meant nothing, but I don't know how to solve this problems with you when it's all because of JH when he did not even do anything at all. But because, it's me who did so much for him and you're pissed at me. Yet, you have to know 3 years isn't something I can move on easily and be happy with my life.

There's this word called Reminisce Memories. Aches. Pains. How? How am I suppose to move on? How am I suppose to know whether am I right or not? Every night ending up like this, you think fun? You think it's not tiring? Making you attitude me is not something I'm looking forward to. In fact, it's the very last thing I want it to happen in my life. I know, all because of me. I know, you're waiting and everything. I know most of the things you are doing for me. But I really don't know what more can I do for you.

I just need you by my side and yet I don't know how do I keep you stay. This is not easy for me and, it's not going to be easy for you too I know. Most of the times, you'll see me depressed. Some times, you'll see my laughters that's filled with tears. That's when I faked too much and cried to myself. Babe, go easy on me. I can't be the one you want me to be in your eyes. I appreciate for everything, every single even the littlest things you've done for me.

I love you and miss you. Just as much as you do. And don't worry, I wouldn't mind be the one dying in a car crash just as you wish you would be the one. Because it's much better that I am better off dead in this world.

Be good, text me soon as soon as you are done with your anger. I don't want to initiate a chat with you when you're feeling all egoistic and anger that fills your emotions and your replies to me will be one that I don't wish to anticipate with.

*hugs*

2010-08-12T01:09:00.001+08:00

I KNOW YOU ARE UNDERSTANDING. BUT FREAK IT CAUSE I CAN'T HELP MY EMOTIONS. AND THANKS FOR GIVING ME ATTITUDE. JUST AS MUCH AS I NEEDED IT!

2010-08-11T23:32:00.001+08:00

Tonight I just feel like breaking down into pieces.

2010-08-11T00:38:00.003+08:00

I hate crying to myself while walking home.

I hate it when i break down to tears knowing that I'm vulnerable.

I hate it when I thought I was strong and all I could do was nothing but just broke down.

That feeling, was terrible.

It will never go away. Never will it be forgotten.

It's just too much for me to handle. You can give me all the problems and obstacles, but please God, just not this. Not this.

2010-08-06T00:46:00.002+08:00

It's retarded. Seriously.

You treated me like a fool. You took me for advantage when I've made a choice to give you another chance as I always believed everyone makes mistake. You may have apologized for the first time and I guess, it just wasn't sincere enough. You took it for granted and thought that I was dumb enough not able to see it or sense it.

It shows that, you need to know more about me. Because, I have the senses that no one will ever have. Is to predict what you are doing to me.

Always, spot on. Just you see.

2010-08-05T03:22:00.001+08:00

Just need my mind to be occupied.

Just need to keep myself real busy.

Just need to make myself tired so whenever I'm on my bed, I won't break down to tears. I won't be able to think of anything but just wanting to sleep.

Yea, that's the way how it should be for now.

Just for now.

2010-08-05T01:10:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, time don't wait for you.

Life is no nintendo game.

Do what your guts told you so.

Screw your mind, follow your heart.

My instincts. My instincts never fails me.

Baby, time don't wait for you. No it don't.

Do it right before it's just too late.

2010-08-03T02:05:00.000+08:00

Actually, I wanna believe that you guys are having fun and enjoying your moments without me.

I wanna believe and think that you guys are still sad because I'm no longer there.

But, so much for crying. What I've see it's different from what i feel.

What should I do?

2010-08-02T22:57:00.002+08:00

I just have to constantly tell myself that I will not believe in promises.

Probably you're the first guy that kinda wanting to let me have some faith in you. That trust in you. But I guess I've put too much hope and now, I have to take it back.

I won't, believe in promises. From now on, you guys can promise me everything and anything under the sky. But these words will be out from the other ear. Not to my mind and heart. Not anymore.

2010-08-02T00:51:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry I haven't been there in your life literally.
Like, never making the effort that you're able to see or feel it that I wanna meet you so much. That you're unable to know how much i do miss you in my life.

I'm sorry to put you through these. To make you suffer and everything.

I just hope you'll reply me soon and be alright baby girl. It's okay if you're leaving. Because after you telling me that you're here just because you don't wish me to be a bad girl. It's alright. I'll be just fine and alright. What matters most is you, to be happy. Really.

Be good dear, be good. Be fine with your life, be all well with your life.

2010-07-31T02:02:00.002+08:00

Surprisingly, our quarrels are not hurting me in any more ways. But i know I just know that i'm here trying to be strong.

Struggling with a smile. Faking it, loving it. But hey, what makes you think that I'm stepping you down and you're not? And hey, don't we just love one another?

Baby, all we need is love. Trust. Equality. Commitments. Care. Understanding. Sharing of thoughts.

I've really waited for you more than you can imagine. That's when you really take it for granted. And even tell me that I'm talking rubbish? Asking why can't i wait longer when i've done it so many times? Asking why can't i be waiting when i know that whenever you run away from my life, you'll always be back?

Because baby, these are giving me insecurities. All the while you may be the one running and i'm here waiting. Just one day and who knows, that u won't be back anymore? What if just one day and who knows, I'm still waiting in vain for nothing? Just having this faith that you'll still be back when you never want to run back to me?

Have you thought of how I feel? Have you? You're struggling with your life, you have your problems. I have mine too baby. I have mine too. I just need that little small space of your big heart and mind to think for me. Just that little part, am i just asking for too much?

2010-07-27T22:53:00.002+08:00

I know I'm contradicting, but my heart hurt so bad wanting you to be back in my life.
But I'm tired of all the pains that inflicts on me.
I'm tired of all the aches that I'm experiencing almost every month.
I'm just tired..

Yet, I wanna cry whenever I walk home alone.
Because, i knew that you'll never be here anymore holding my hands and walk me home anymore.

2010-07-27T01:30:00.003+08:00

Hello silly boy,
you know that things always happen in such a routine that, you will leave me in the lurch and then come back again.

But you have to know that, my heart can't take it any longer.
I may be there for you throughout or NOT.
I may be here standing waiting for you to come back all the time. Wishing for you all the time to be here, be the one to initiate to text me, to msn me and to phone a call to me. But baby, these ain't the ones that i'll be wishing for now.

Because you've reached my limit, my patience were long gone but to give you another chance to change. I know I am still standing there, wishing and waiting for the same old thing yesterday, today, tomorrow and every other day. Or even since the day the both of us happen to be in our own world. But hey, I wanna move on. I know I'm at my most vulnerable moment because you're not here anymore. Because I feel hurt that even though you left me, I still have to walk this life alone. Because of everything about us, every little moments you and I can ever think of.

But just one day, it may take a year for me or even longer to stop feeling all these pains and heartbrokens that's all because of you. But it's alright, I know i'll survive through this, even if i don't survive thru this, the most i could do is to do what i'm thinking will happen. Though this heart, always yearning for you each and everyday. More and more, missing you more than I can ever realise. These feelings are giving me so much pain and i'm torn to pieces whenever i just think of you. But you know what, I never wanna be in your arms again if you can't hold me tight. I won't be there to hold you tight if you're always running away from my life.

This time round, I may be yearning so much for you. Hoping you to wish for me to be back in your arms and all the things that makes both of us back together, I will not be wishing about it anymore. I'll then start to dream about these. Because we all know that, dreams don't come true.

I love you, I love you. I love you till I know every of your movements. Even before you text me about the break ups, I had cried beforehand. I knew all these will happen, just right after I start school (when we just patched back), you broke my heart again and left me in just 3 mnths time. Baby, tell me this is not love. Because i'm mentally gone from these heavy aches that you're giving.

I, will never regret telling you and showing you what's my vulnerabilities. I may not have love you the way you wanted it to be. But that doesn't mean i've never loved you. I loved you too much that I'm willing be the party that walks away from your life than you walking out of mine. Because none, I said none. None of my friends and family or even you will be walking out of my life.

I, will never regret for what i did because in the past i've predicted this day will come. This day will come so soon that I tell myself to fulfil my part as your girlfriend as long as i'm still with you.

Now i'm done with loving you with my whole heart, to the first man I ever kiss, ever hug and ever truely love with my everything even though I may not be filthy rich to give you what you always wish for. Letting you be my priority and when I'm only your options may seems to be wrong at many times that caused me a lot of friendship problems. You may not have known about it and you would always think that it's "YOUR FAULT" for all these problems that I've caused.

I will, put a stop to your aches and problems too. Baby, you don't have to worry for me aymore you know? I wanna grow up. I was never under your arms lying on ur chest, but I was always the one standing under the rain waiting for you to shelter me. When i know things won't happen, I will still stand there knowing thhat I'll be sick by catching a cold. And all you could do was to run further away from me.

However baby, thanks for everything you've done for me. From dates, to time, to loving me, to spending all these dough just for me to enjoy the moments with you. Although our dates were a routine of movies, dinner and homed. I may not enjoy every date due because it became dull, but I enjoy all the moment that were simply spent together with you. Just when I'm with you, able to know that you're beside me and i'm holding ur hands has made my day filled with love.

And for your info, the worst ever feeling is to miss you badly even when i'm standing beside you hugging you. I told you many times before when you were with me, but you didn't notice how vulnerable and weak i was in this relationship. You didn't realised how much I need you to make me feel secure and more.

As from what you said from the very first break up, even the longest banquet have to end?

We ended since many days ago. And yea, happy 2 years and 10 mnths anniversary to you k sweetheart? Which is 3 days ago that falls on 24th July. On the 24th sept 2010, I'll wish you 3rd year anniversary too. On the 23rd October, i'll be wishing you happy birthday. On the 17th dec, I'll dream about us going to honeymoon (Bali) together. In a suite, sleeping together. In the pool, swimming together. In a sauna and massaging all together. Everything, every single little moments that we've spent together will all, all be in my mind. It will never be erased I promise.

I love you, and I still do love you.
Goodbye, baby boy.
Be good and stand strong.
Sadly and of course a pity for me, i can't be there with you till you ORD on 12th Dec.
Because obviously, we're over.

*hugs*
*blow kisses* :)

2010-07-25T02:07:00.001+08:00

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.

JUST STOP PLEASE. I NEED YOU TO STOP. STOP EVERYTHING AND EVERY SINGLE THING. NOW I WILL LEARN TO MOVE MYSELF. CRY TO MYSELF, TALK TO MYSELF AND BE MYSELF. I DON'T WANNA SAY THIS, BUT NOW I WILL BE ALL BY MYSELF.

2010-07-25T01:59:00.001+08:00

Tell me that if i gain friends, i lose best friend.
Tell me that if i gain laughters, i lose you.

I never wanted to be in anyone's life as long as I have what I want in my life.
Tell me that you will be here whenever i feel lost.
Tell me everything I want to hear.
Tell me baby, tell me people.
Tell me and just tell me.

2010-07-25T01:57:00.001+08:00

Baby, i'm into pieces.
Friends, i'm messed up.
Family, i'm all broken.

I just can't breathe anymore.
What's more, I don't wanna breathe anymore. Not anymore.

2010-07-20T01:53:00.002+08:00

How much have I changed?

I changed to someone who couldn't recognise me anymore?
I became someone that someone believed that i'm so strong that i no longer need anyone to share my stories, sorrows and happiness anymore.

Each day, i acted stronger than yesterday.
Each day, when i lose you. I told myself I must be the one to put those smiles on these people's faces when they're sad.
Each day when I lose you because I know that I'm the one that causes you all the sorrows and worries. It's the day when I started and tried my best to have NO expectation on people, No expectations of returnings from anybody when I just wanna be the one that put the smiles.
Each day, each and everyday I am struggling.

Everyone believes my smile. But you're suppose to believe that behind these smiles, my heart was aching.

You're no different from others telling me that, I am okay without you and therefore you should move on. How much have I not wanting you to move on! HOW MUCH have I wished for you to be back and be everything that's simple and good. I just wish for the past, but if i looked back. I will never succeed in the future!

I just wish that I won't be able to see another day. I died young when people still expecting me to be on their expectation. I died young, to convey the msg that I'm the one making everyone smile. I died when everyone still remembers me. I died young just to tell you guys, I love you so much that I no longer want to know your pain that were all caused by me.

I love, everyone.

2010-05-16T22:55:00.001+08:00

You know,
this feeling tells me that I left with no one.

2010-05-15T23:04:00.002+08:00

Hey baby, this is for you.

I like it when we had some bad feelings and we talked it out straight.
Well, that shows the maturity level of our relationship somehow. And i really don't like the silence. Because when the silence sets in, my heart and my mind talk a lot to one another. I swear it is very annoying.

Well, bad date today. I wasn't known of your condition but well, i'm sorry for my quietness too. Mislead you to think that i'm attitude-ing you. haha. I was just very disappointed with myself, not you though.

I can understand every things, if you talk things out. Now we're all good. I still love how we are now. Thanks for wearing that T-shirt tmr! *hugs*

Well babe, this is for you.

Thanks for finding that quiz out. I was finding for the date too when you posted it. But well, to no avail. And i hope you find that quiz is not because you wanted to end this friendship.

But well babe, just want you to know that alcohol is not the one that i chose to be with over you. it's more like, i drown my sorrows with alocohol. You may not like the way i am now. I'm okay, i'm keeping myself numb too. Till i realise these pains inside me hurts a lot too. I'm not sure if you still feel the same. because you told me before that u already give up. On the verge to, you were at that thin line of giving up..

Thanks for not giving up. And sorry that i disappoint you all over again. Drown the alcohols with your faith and trust and every little things. I wanted to be so drunk that night, but i tell myself you wouldn't wanna spot me in that state. I still love you.

But i really don't want you to feel hurt all over again just because of what i do. I felt that, you really feel happier without me, as your closer friend.

Not for me though, i feel the empty in here. In my heart i felt that i wasn't suppose to feel this way. You made me realise i only met you and talk to you all the time. That i've lost all my other friends. I feel sad when i'm lost. Without you, nothing really seems right

I thought of getting into a car accident whenever i walked on the road. Choked on the food whenever i eat. Faint and die of heart attack when i'm on the train. All our memories were just too good for me to not remember it wherever i go.

I really thank you for everything as well as i'm very apologetic for everything i did to you. I love you, my dear friend : ) i'm so sorry that i couldn't initiate a chat with you anymore. Because i know, your reply isn't what i wanted or what i'm looking forward to.

2010-05-12T21:59:00.002+08:00

I want to.
I would love to.
To be insensitive to things that's happening around me.

However, to certain things to certain extend : )

2010-05-11T23:06:00.002+08:00

First of all, i'm very tired.
So if you're starting to not catch what i say, it means it's all rubbish already.

So well, apparently today school kinda suck.
My Principles of Management tutorial (same a(POM)s lecturer) suck!

Eventually during the lecture, she screened the late-dragon boaters of our school that had died during the competition due to the natural disaster or something.
And she laughed and think it's funny and joke over about it. Oh goodness, very very insensitive animal she is. I swear i feel like throwing shoes right to her face and slap her to tell her to wake up and know what she's talkinga bout.

What's worst is, she doesn't even know how to control the class well! She don't know how to teach and she just read it from the slides.
She doesn't even explain and let us understand what's the meaning of this and this and this. But PLAINLY READING from what we have.

Then i'm sorry, i don't think i need you to be my lecturer and tutor. Because you don't teach. You're just practicing for your oral examinations isn't it?

Not only me that do not understand your jokes, your lesson or anything. It's just not only me.

2010-04-28T22:12:00.001+08:00

When regret sets in, disappointment gets in and anger sits in. In every obstacle you face are going to be only you and yourself. How great can life be when the one you care, left you. When the one you love, doesn't do so.

When everything gets mundane and things starts to fall apart? What would you do to make yourself feel better that thing's are just opposing you all the time. Life hasn't been great, isn't it?

May laughs be the best medicine for all my negative feelings and thoughts to be washed away.

2010-04-26T23:38:00.001+08:00

Helloooo! Let's touch a little tad on what i've learnt in life up till now.

Well, not much of any work experience or relationships i've been through. Currently attached with a man who's twenty three year old this year. Guess now i have to say, i used to have a best friend for two to three years i guess.

However, ain't touching on things that i had been with them. But more of feelings that i've learnt in life with the relationships like friends, love and family.

In this life time up till now, i've learnt about the sad, disappointment, anger, love, hatred and all the feelings you can ever think of. I felt that, these were the ones that makes me a stronger person. Not much of a difference, but inside this heart it does makes a difference.

I may not show, i may not tell, i may not know. But deep down when i had a deep thought, it just can't stop talking to me. It just can't stop talking to my brain from where i should stand. This heart has the strongest power amongst all.

This small heart just tells me to be stronger each time i fall. Each time i felt like crying. Each time i feel like i was suffocating and i can hardly breathe. Each time i felt like dying whenever i feel pain, whenever i feel the tense and hurt in me. Yet this heart, tells me to die. Yet this heart tells me to cry. Yet this heart tells me to just sleep and it'll be okay when you're away. Yet this heart did the most irony things ever in my life.

Somehow through these experience, i'm gona stop loving people from how i used to with idk what mind or heart and/or soul. Idk how, idk why, but my heart just told me that i must built a wall. I must built this comfortable distance between me and the people. Note : it's a must that my heart told me so.

I'm tired of "letting me go" too easily feeling. Aiya, up till this point, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING. Sooooo,

KTHXBYE!

2010-04-25T17:06:00.003+08:00

Well, i thought it'll be a waste for me to stop blogging here.
While at tumblr, i just continue to reblog reblog and reblog. Where i've totally lost track of how i used to be or how i was suppose to be.

It became mundane and everything. I used to write stuffs in blogspot and then read back to what i've wrote. That's when i reminsce. That's how i think and reflect of myself. :)

But yea, i ain't gona like tell everyone i'm blogging back here. I'll leave it stationary like that and say what i want to the next time for whatever i feel in future.

Removed adverts from nuffnang and twitter off my bloggy in case of further distractions.
Well, wait for my next post and stay tune then! :)

2010-03-12T00:57:00.001+08:00

CATCH ME AT

ROXANNE'S PAGE!

CLICK THAT AND I'LL BE BLOGGING THERE SINCE THEN! :D

I'll see you soon then. : )

2010-03-04T23:22:00.002+08:00

PS : This is for myself. So if u dont understand, dont bother asking me : )

There's no right or wrong.
There's no should, or should not.
There's always a time, feel and fate for most of it.

But oh well, when i wanna do it i will tell myself that it's not right. But however my the other mind will tell me that, I'M RIGHT!

Yet another one tells me that, noooooo you both are wrong. Because in this case, there's no sides of who's wrong and right. Is neutral.

Not just you who dont understand, me too pls. I'm just speaking whatever's on my mind.

And things are not meant to be spoken out and said or even explained detailed is it?

Idk laaaa? But somehow, it's just not right.
I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO EXPECT AGAIN.

WHY LIFE, THERE'S SO MANY THINGS TO LEARN ACCEPT REJECT AND WHATEVER IT IS.
Why make it so hard? -.-

2010-02-25T02:18:00.002+08:00

Oh well, i have a lot to say on twitter.

but when i'm here to pen down my thoughts. It seems that i'm lost for words.

I'm just guilty and regret for everything that i had done in the past to you.
To all of you, anyone of you. Everyone, every single one of you.

My heart weighs more than a million thousand tons now.
This eyes will not get any better till this heart feels better.
I know i've changed. I've changed not to show how much i love you guys. But heyyyyy, i was learnt to be like this when things are happening around me.

I really love, you and you you you you and many many of yous. : )

2010-02-24T00:10:00.003+08:00

Grandma once told me :

A woman is a failure not only when it comes to career.
But a true failure when it comes to,

- Unable to keep a family.
- Unable to give warmth to the woman's loves one.
- Unable to nurture her kids well for example to forgive and forget. To love others unconditionally and never expect anything in return when u're giving something out of kindess.

She told me that woman has the power to keep a family when woman dont :

Quarrel at every little single thing.
Nags at the family members all time
Will bear all the things that's going against her.
Bears all the tempers that everyone throws at her

Grandma, she herself went through so much more than me for what a woman should be. I'm really proud of her as she kept this family healthy and harmony. Where she bears all the things that's beyond her reach and limits, that's how she makes this family alive.

What about me? I can't even save a relationship that i dearly love for two and a half years with all my love, yet this man has been pushing me away all the times.

I'm the real failure in fact. The woman that has the real failure, not in career wise.

2010-02-15T04:36:00.002+08:00

Valentine day is a day where you remember how you love your loved ones.

But hey, i think, and i think i'm sureeeeeeee that V day, is a day for u to do smth dumb.

BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING FOR THE SAKE OF DOING AS IT'S A DAY THAT YOU MUSTTTTTTTTTTTT RMB HOW YOU ONCE LOVED THAT LOVE!

Ok, nights yo! : )

Call me jealous creature all you want.
Because it's a dumb day and i don't get ANYTHING.
MWAH MWAH ALL! *Wipe saliva*

2010-01-15T23:13:00.002+08:00

It was all misunderstanding and it's cleared.

Few days ago i changed my URL for an escape-dooooo. Don't really wish to be seen with my tweets on the right hand side of my page. Well, since things are well now. I guess i'm back here :)

A lot of problems and chaos today. Broke down, much. Thought i would never see my sister and baby sister again. Long story but well, I'm over with it alr :D

Look forward for a better future and i seriously need to shop for my CNY clothes alr. I'll then be busy on next week starting from friday till the 12th feb! :)

My munks munks haven't watched yet :(
And met up with gf only for awhile and rushed home. stinks
MEET UP SOON GIRLS!

SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!

2010-01-13T16:23:00.002+08:00

I felt hurt all over again.
The pain is here all over again.
I'm foolish all over again.
I'm heartbroken, all over again.

I'm really sick of this feeling.
I've been so good and obedient. I've been so loving, nice and understanding. I've been giving my all to him. But look what has been done again? I'm feeling all the shit and shit and shit and all the shit again.

I'm trembling while crying. While typing, i'm crying.
I'm breathing so hard. It's so hard to breathe. This is the hurt where my grandpa last died so many yrs ago. This is fuck bad. He does it all over again. Why must my friends always guess it right where i'm always the one putting my head in and make myself so miserable again?

I've been protecting him, for how many protest i've get from my family and friends but i still stand up for him. Why do i always like to dream and hurt myself again and again? It'l never end this heart break.

I've really given my all and no quarrels all these months but it's all happening again. Since i'm the one given my all, where's his part? I'm all fucked up.

2010-01-08T23:53:00.002+08:00

I'm getting a little shaky from all the comments.

Why are there people out there telling me i'm so faithful, i'm so over in love, so naive and dumb.

I mean, i may sound very one sided love in my previous post. It sounds so much that i'm only the one loving him, but not on his point. But, how do i even stop loving? How do i even stop remembering him when i want to forget him? It's not that i'm giving up now. But as long as there's love, there's hope.

I have this very weird belief in myself which idk if you guys do have it. I wont let go of whom i love even though he's kinda irrelunctantly to get together with me in a relationship or showing how he meant to be (be it friends or love). I dont know, because people have feelings don't they? After all, it's more than 2 yrs relationship. So much things that you can't compile and write them all out in a single day and night. That's how naive i am that i can even tell myself it's not one sided. ( But i really don't know if i am)

Eventually, one day i have to let it go when things ain't working out anymore. In every ways i try to salvage and revive these moments or memories, it doesn't mean happily ever after.

And yes, previous post sounded like i'm fuck dumb to think like that. But i think i believe in my intuition that we still have that mutual feelings between us :) Asking me why am i like that and why haven't i found a new guy? Because he's all i can ask for. I'm tooooooo tooooo toooo so much used with him that it became a habit, my life and everything that plays a part with him in my life.

He may fuck behind my back (speechless), flirt behind my back or even in front (worst)! He may even be dating some girls which i may not know, already fall out of love and no more feelings with me. He may even have an eye candy and not wanting me anymore. He can even leave anytime as and when he likes because we have no strings attached.

THAT'S the insecurity you get from a no status relationship. That's the shit you will be thinking sometimes and wondering are you the only one making the effort. It's been more than 6mnths or more since i hear that 3 words caming from his mouth. Or did the last 2yrs+ relationship did he even say it from his mouth but only text? I dont know man, i'm confused and really feeling insecure now. From the way you talk now, it seems so different 7 days ago (exact).

I can miss him so much even when he's beside me.
What's wrong with me now?

suck and fml.

2010-01-03T16:11:00.002+08:00

I can't deny the fact that relationship plays a big part of my life.

For those who understand this sentence, then i don't have much to explain. But for those who doesn't understand that sentence, it's so much more for me to explain.

However, on the other hand if i have to explain you wouldn't know and would still not understand what the hell am i going about because you'll still be in ur faith where you believe that relationship doesn't matter at all in your life.

Just like how you believe relationship doesn't plays a BIG part in your life, but me on the other hand i believe.
Not only do i believe it does play a big part of my life, it gives me a special feel and satisfaction in my heart be it good or bad. Be it whether we're happy together or sad.

Everything we do/talk give a sense of security or not. It gives people the emotions that a lot out there are hunting for one. When one's comfortable with their partner, it's so hard to let go when you know things wont work out. When things don't work out, you'll always be finding solutions to all your problems that arised. Even though you cant, no matter how hard you try you just wouldnt let go.

A matter of fact, you just want your partner here no matter how good or bad the situation is. No matter how much you've been through, how long that you've been together or anything else you have done for your partner, you just dont want to let them go and be with another person.

No, i'm not talking about me being attached and falling in love with another boy, or rather man. hahaha.
I'm talking about, it doesnt mean that you have to be given a status of 'bf' or 'gf' so u'll be happy and secured.

Then why are there always people breaking up from relationships when people are IN a relationship are not happy while i'm OUT of the relationship yet i can still be happy more than those people in r.s. You get what i'm catching at? (i hope nobody's shaking their head )

In conclusion :
You just dont need to have a status. You dont need to be in a relationship to be happy. And when i say relationship plays a big part in my life, it means i have someone to love and someone who loved me. Aint that all that matters? Eventually if there's a mutual feeling for both, why bother so much about commitment, having him or her or feeling etc and everything.

It complicates both the girl and the boy. Then everything tends to turn sour and everything turns out wrong and therefore there's break ups everywhere in this world. People feeling heart wrenched over what they lost. But look at what you lost, you'll definitely gain something..

I'm not afraid to say, i lost my status as a gf but i gain happiness with him. Being with him, being able to give happiness to him, being able to have fun and simple time with him, it's more than how you can ever imagine being in a relationship.

Look at the brighter side, being in a r.s doesnt mean happiness and everything and ur so happily ever after.

It'll definitely be better after break ups. :)

2009-12-27T22:08:00.001+08:00

My heart beat's slowing down.
It's getting a little hard to breathe.

The feelings of hurt are back once again.
It'll never end, this pain.

2009-12-27T01:51:00.001+08:00

This is for people, who have lost their laughter.

Where they seems to realise that they're not laughing as much.

It's just a click away. You'll just smile :)

2009-12-24T00:17:00.002+08:00

I'm upset

On how i look upon others.
How i have this perspective of view for people.
Why do i have these negative thoughts about people who loves me or whoever they are.

I know, and always know that every other people have their own difficulties and reasons for things they do and react or so whatever. But the actions they do leaves an impression on me or even all of us.

Is always negative or positive, either way.
It's either they let me have the disgusted feeling or a very disappointed feeling.

I mean, i know how much that person is going thru outside. I know how much hardship that person is having now. I know how bad the situation is now. I know how upset that person or however that person's feeling. Or whatver that person is thinking on how that person life is.

I'm really disheartened when i see that person's face. When i know how that person wrinkles gets more. The eye bags gets heavier. It gives me the thoughts of, thinking that i've not taken a real good look on that person. It's much like, i've not dared to look at that person anymore.

In such, i've cried in my heart with full of disappointments when i know we're drifted. We no longer know one another and we're more of a stranger in our heart.

I'm enough of my descriptions for my heart wrenching stories.

2009-12-22T00:27:00.003+08:00

Seriously, i wanna watch princess and the frog.
AND BLOODY NOBODY WANTS TO WATCH IT WITH ME.
__

And why is it that when i want to watch a show that hardly is to anyone's liking! But when it's not to my liking, YET I STILL WATCH WITH THEM. fml.

Screw all of you who made me feel this way.

: D

HAHAHAHHAA! LIFE FUCKING ROCKS LA. ccb. -.-

2009-12-22T00:02:00.001+08:00

I loveeeee to be loved from whom i love.
I totally feel loved from those whom i loved love me.
I mean, isn't it cool to be feeled very loved from whom you loved too ?

COOL OR WHAT?
COMPLICATED?

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, AGAIN!

HUAHAHAHA!
Nights! <3

2009-12-20T15:40:00.006+08:00

MY SWEET 18TH! : )

First and foremost,
let me thanks for those who wish me first!
Everyone's asking if they were the FIRST to text me or wish me or call me. BUT ALL SO WRONG! Hahaha! Because Charles was the first though. =/

Somehow it seems that everyone's snatching to be the first. MAKES ME FEEL SO IMPORTANT that they really want to be the first and when the clock strikes 11.59.55pm, they'll quickly click the send button after they've typed everything out! Haha.

Then i've got a call from australia who's my Godbro for many yrssssss, he called just to wish me and then Weishing. Then the msn facebook and texts. They are just so awesome. Not forgetting i have a note from my bestie! She made me cry after i've fight back all my tears from all the wishes i'm receiving. And she's the first to make me cry on my first 10 mins of 18th. How coooool! And i was literally smiling and laughing to myself in the room. Overwhelmed with happiness and tears with laughter

<3

Two days before my birthday. Worked with Jayley. It was a horrible and fun day. Because a lot of shits happen. But i dont have to elaborate it cause it'll be kinda crazy if i do.

Dinner with collegues on tuesday night! While waiting for our boss, guess what this idiot Serena's doing ?! SHE'S SHAKING ! Ok, masturbating. OK
NO.
HAHAHHA!
She's playing with Wasabi la can?!?!
RETARDEDLY UNGLAM!

besides she's hiding the wasabi under the table and literally shaking like how guys do! AND SO I WHEN I SNAP THIS! JUST NICE LOOKS LIKE IT. SEE THE FACE. WORST!
she's trying to show me that when the wasabi are turning round and round and round....

It'll turn out like this. -.-zzZZzz

Then on thursday, my bithday !
Met nini first. It was kinda a grumpy start of my day. But somehow it just got better. I didnt expect them to have 3 surprises. After all, it was much of a fun :D

Dont think i'm gona elaborate more too. Because it's just too much. BUT IF SOMEONE ASK HOW I CELEBRATE MY BDAY! I will never say "nahhh, forget about asking me"

Because i'll say " i have my sweetest 18th birthday of all the years i've gone thru. Due to all the loves and everyone trying to make it work and making so much effort. I love them all! <3"

They brought me to ECP to blade. They must have know that i'm craving much much! ^^

Then they bought me this as a "First present" to make me think that, THAT'S MY ONLY present. Haha.

Which is the most ugliest G-string in the world i've seen and swear i wont buy even though i'm gona try.
But they really dumb go buy till so expensive where they can get it for $2.90. Hahaha! I dont wear them but i know WHAT'S THE PRICE for those. =/

REEEAAAAAAAL KICK IS THIS :

I'VE GOT THE COOLEST BLADE LA PLS!

Dont be jealous OK! =/

Ok, this is random. Snap picture of jayley working while on friday my wrist was hurting very badly. So i didnt work much since there aint much crowd : )

AFTER WORK MET UP WITH CHARLES!
Then with uncle (his best friend) and his gf!

Crystal Jade at Paragon.

Damn, i was really stress while sitting at the huge sofa and the tables. Why eat dinner oso must so stress one.

It was on Charles that night and the bill for four is 200 BUCKS!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

This is buddha jump wall. I think =/

We shared this though. Contains shark fin, abalone, mushroom, herbal chicken, fish maw, idk what's the orange dates, sea cucumber.

Ok la, all in all, IT'S ALL THE PRECIOUS FOOD IN THE WORLD LA. zomg. -.-
It's my first time eating though. hahahah!

Butter factory that night. SUCKS MAD! left after inside one hour and slept even before the party's going to end! First time so mad early home. lol

oh, this is my uncle's gf :)

woke up the next day, this girl trying to act cute and be a character of HI-5 lady. HAHAHA! Damn er xin.

Miss my bag,
took a snap shot of it when i'm still on bed!

This is bought my Charles.

If u ever remember, my cousin's gf fall the same birthday as Charles. On my cousin's birthday which falls on 7th Dec, isn't it very coincident that his gf bought the same brand for my cousin while CHARLES bought the same for me too?!

Just that my cousin one was a wallet and mine's a bag. OH MY GOSHHHHHH!

Even my aunt was shock and tot i told Charles what the gf bought for cousin. o.0

Idk how do you pronounce this brand but all i know is damn f%#king ex. -.-!

A wallet can cost $400, idk what's this bag man ?

Looks scary enough alr. -.-

On saturday night, had a belated celebration with HALF of my family where others are studying / working / busy. My hyped of 18th bday was then gone. BUT STILL COOL! : )

My bitch on the roll bebeh! :D

This is my bitch's mama. Which is my grandma! haha

Had fish and co! Was real bloated and the mussels was REAL GOOOOD! : )

Jesslyn's being an ass for smiling like that. BUT I STILL LOVE IT! Hahaha!

3 days before and 2 days after your birthday, u get a 10% discount! :D

Sissy and meeeeee.

She sent me a sister msg on my birthday make me cry can. What an asssss.

She did a photo montage that i cant help but love it much. I'LL RUSH HER TO UPLOAD TO LAPPY THEN UPLOAD HERE OR SMTH!

Because it just ROCKS MUCH! :D

Grandparents are so LOVED! Ate so much and grandpa sent $160 for 7! While friday's dinner $200 for 4. I even felt the pinch though i wasnt the one paying.

:S

I CANT HELPED BUT SHOW HOW MY AUNT LOVE TO ACT CUTE. And she called it seducing.

HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. LAUGH OUT LOUD PLSSSSSSSSSSS!

I just want to be a cinderella.. Haha : )

Even my aunt wants to be. -.-!

Yo yooooo wassup!

Ktv after dinner as they want to hear jessy sing. But end up, SHE DIDNT SING LOR. SUCKS! Was there till 12.45 and home!

As usual, ending up with myself again! :D

My friends said : " i've been 18th for so long. AND OH DEAR, You're just 18 when i'm about to be 19."

FOR THOSE WHO SAID THAT, SHIT YOU. BECAUSE 17 DECEMBER 1991 IS MY LOVELIEST DAY EVER! I CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE 1712 MORE THAN UR BIRTHDAY.

PEK! U SEE THIS?! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Kidding :D

I love all who made so much effort. Most of all, Nini and boma for all the plans and surprises and those who followed them. Getting presents and all the hassle and problems! :D

Xoxo.

Randomly random

2009-12-16T15:57:00.004+08:00

RANDOM UPDATES!

CURRENTLY NEED PROMOTERS TO WORK TILL MARCH!
- Responsible for jobs assigned.
-Enthusiastic and passion.
-Friendly and presentable!

Last but not least, eligible age are 16 and above! :)

Any enquries, email to roxanne.seah@nutsnco.com or if u're interested, please write down your name, age and contact number. There'll be a trial run for you to see how things work and will be attached with me. Will then be selected from then unless there's a change of plans.

Get hired! :D

SHAWNIFIED RIDING A BIKE BEBEHHHH!
But i didnt take his real bike pictures laaaa.
Besdies, HE RIDE QUITE DANGEROUS LOR!
He knows i'm nervous too. Hahaha!

----------------------------------------------

Went to city square mall at farrer park. Which is very near little india!
And which is really near to mustafa!
Luckily there wasn't a lot of bangladesh u see!
If not u know, will smells like how mustafa smells like
Was kinda scared when they're so near me. Will see my ass in case i catch whose hands was that! Ok, told you it's a random post. Hahaha.

Nice lightings by the way
So i took a tourist photo
Introudcing u my unkown papa and mama. :D:D

---------------------------------------------

Head down to FEP for SHAVE ICE!
Totally rocks my socks that night
Don't know why, but really craving for it very badly especially anything that's cold which pop into my mouth. I'll feel i'm in heaven. RIGHT!

Puppy love (peach toppings) with additional toppings of nata de coco!

MAD LOVE BEBEHHHHHHH! <3

finished our shave ice REAL FAST!
Then we head to somerset @ 313.

TOTALLY AWESOME AND AMAZED!

In forever 21 going up up up the escaltor from 1st storey to second then to THIRDDDDDDDDD!
Mad awesomely big. hahahha!

Was wearing so casual that day cause i tot going farrer park dont have to be real good looking. HOW WOULD I KNOW I WOULD END UP IN TOWN.

Oh dear.

Kinda like impulsive deicison on going where to are more likeable than stressing on what to do and where to go for the day u're going out with ur friends.
IT'S LIKE, WHY MUST THERE BE EXTRA STRESS WHEN U JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!
Omgwtfbbq lorrrrrrrr!

Then came across the forever 21 mannequin. THEY ARE ALL SO WEIRDO AND FUNNY!
It felt like i'm in a zombieland.
LOOOOOK AT HOW THEY POSE LAAAAAAAA?!

JENG JENG JENG! I should ruin their face all over by red lipstick. Looks more realistic.
Ok, wasn't saying about the brand or the stuffs there. But just purely mannequin,
NO OFFENSE RIGHT?!
right!

But look what i saw at the other mannequins at the other stores.

MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE HOTTER OHHHHH goodness. -.-

Anyway, really impressed by the outfit they matched. Was really awesome that when i feel like trying it, i feel that i'm not suitable for these types. YUCKSSS!
HATE THAT FEELING! :(

Feels so sad cause mannequins looks more hawterrrrrr than me! :(

Kinda censored here though.
BUT I WAS JUST SO CURIOUS!
SHE MUST WEAR A PANTY TO LOOK MORE PRESENTABLE AR!

Even though she's not a real human, but dont open the leg towards the public can ?

Because this is what i'll do !

I sound so like a pervert i know.

BUT OHMYYYYYYYY!

Cant help it but share with it. Hahaha

----------------------------------------

Went for a rest and drink to have bbq chicken wings after wandering and exploring the new mall. Haha.

Nini's passion fruit bla bla bla

But i rmb mine!

Green apple fujimato!

I think la. HAHAHA! Must mix well then it taste awesomely!

However there's some minty flavours and u'll only savour it if u're really meticulous about ur tastebud. Hahahaha!

--------------------------------------------

This is what i do wheni saw them SLP SO TIGHTLY.

Okay, pardon them for being unglam la.

BUT CUTE RIGHT!

I've got the best grandparents pls!

Last picture to end off with jiaqiwoo, serena and me!

Ended work and went to FEp to have shave ice with jiaqi while the rest went to smoke!

AWESOME DAYS! :D

I'm satisfied.

HAPPY BITHDAY TO YOU TMR! :D

Ok, that you, is me. Hahaha!

I'll be having fun tmr i hope with Nini and boma. :D

This is all i know. SEE YA YA YA YA!

2009-12-15T23:55:00.002+08:00

You see ?
Can you see what happened ?

Seriousssssssss, is this the way you should be treated ?
Okay laaaaa.
seriouslyyyyyyy, time's up.

My present for this year would be :

to stand up for myself once.

I feel very unimportant to you now.
Because it's not the first time it's happening.
I could get use to this.

Wait, let me get use to this.
Sighhhhhhhh. Huge sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

SICK?!

2009-12-15T01:03:00.003+08:00

Sick of it ?

Repeating the same things to me ?
Sick of telling how i'm suppose to feel?
Tired of showing me how it's supposed to be ?

Seriously, stop wasting effort or time with it
Because when i listen, i will only be shaken for that moment.

AND U HAVE TO TELL ME ALL OVER AGAIN!
FOR WHAT RIGHT! OMFG. -.-

But seriously, without these i can never wake up.
But still, i'm not awake.
So yea. Freak it. -.-

Idk how to do it anymore laaaaaaa.
I'm really dead. :(

2009-12-14T01:40:00.002+08:00

Practically, money is an issue.

However, theoretically money is not an issue.

Life's dead.
You're dead and so am i.

So get your life.
You don't have to lie. To go around telling me things when the next minute, you're trying to be irony.

It's so hard to believe and trust what i'm hearing from you, and another thing that is from you. It becomes a very weird situation i am in.

To be piss, or not to be.

You dont understand what i'm talking right?
THAT'S THE POINT.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Kthxbye.

2009-12-13T02:27:00.003+08:00

SMELLS EXCITEMENT!

WEEEETS!
Cool or what. My family's getting COOLER!
Yea man. Cool or what huh.
Because it's just that cool anyway. ^^

We're already planning for Christmas present.
Those normal stuffs like, exchanging gift.
Today it was kinda lucky pick of names to people who are attending xmas!
So the names that we pick, we have to buy for that person at least a $10 budget!

Cute i would say. All the 18 years, first time it's having fun and celebrating xmas! Probably going my uncle house ! Cause there's xmas tree there! Weeeets!

Merry Christmas IN ADVANCE!

<3

You told me lies and you made me believe.
Well doneeeeeeeeeeee :)

2009-12-12T16:24:00.003+08:00

Any mother folkers wanna disrespect ?

For mnths, i've been hoping and longing for the same thing.

All in the end, i receive was a pot of unfruitful love.
It was all futile.

Useless Roxanne, serious :D

2009-12-11T20:44:00.000+08:00

Okay,

I have a lot of weird feelings rushing over me.

Weird.

2009-12-11T01:00:00.001+08:00

Your Personality Style Preview:

Relationships play a key role in Roxanne's life, she tends to be a very trusting individual, she enjoys making new friends and developing new relationships. She often finds herself involved in many things at once and loves social functions. Roxanne enjoys encouraging those around her. People see her as a person who frequently inspires others.

Roxanne takes a flexible approach in her dealings with others and she is willing to pursue different avenues to maintain good relationships. While she is patient and will not usually rush, Roxanne is not afraid to actively seek new solutions if previous methods do not fit the current situation.

Roxanne prefers to work through problems by analyzing things that worked in the past. She is willing to follow another person's lead if they display adequate ability and if Roxanne has confidence in their ability. She is someone who is able to lead, if necessary; but usually prefers to wait and see if another person volunteers first.

Not afraid to take a bold approach, Roxanne is willing to challenge the status quo. She is original and creative, and acts with confidence when implementing new solutions. Roxanne will tend to use a balance of intuition and facts when making decisions, and once she has made a decision, she will not be afraid to take action upon it.

Check it out bebeh! They were all so true! : )

Anyway, today i was feeling rather weak probably due to too much anger that's pressuring in my chest and much more of a kind of feeling that i dont wish to feel no more. And yes, kinda sick! Oh well.

Best of luckkkkkkk! :D

Eh, book me for bday celebration!

17th and 18th booked! Hehe. :D

2009-12-10T19:40:00.002+08:00

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

I have :

Two eyes
Two nostril
Two ears
Two hands
Two legs.

And have you wondered why i have one heart ? Or all of us have one heart.

It's because our mission is to find another one who had stolen our other heart.
Find it.
Because, it's nearly like mission impossible.

It's, impossible to find my next heart.

2009-12-09T22:21:00.002+08:00

Had the urge to blog while i'm walking home today..

The past flash through my mind very quickly.

From the start of 17th December 2008 of the day, till the end of that day.

I remebered real clearly that my then bf (Charles) was in NS. He just served the nation for only 5 days and he's inside while i'm outside with the lonely heart. Going through the day with a lonely heart. Nonetheless, this year gona be the same too. Guess there'll be no different from last year if i'm still gona feel this.

On a happier note,
my dad did invite me for buffet dinner to the hyatt. But really, to be real. I dont really wanna enjoy my birthday night with him. And to be real frank and hurtful, i just wanna spent quality time with my close family or friends if either side are unable to make it. Because seriously, he isn't one of my closest family even though, he's my dad.

Was a hurtful yet fun day (due to my really great and dearest friends) i had last year. it was kinda screwed at the end by, my mom. Having this feeling with me all over again since 17th Dec is nearing.

Well oh well. Pray for the best and wish for the least! Expect nothing and receive everything that overflows with grattitude. It'll sure be great day ahead.

PS : I hate replying SMSes that only text me with a "Hi". Because for goodness sake, you're like too free to text me just a hi and what do u expect me to reply ? It kinda feel really retarded, ya know. If you dono, then just know that i dont like it.

PPS : Don't blame me for being real bad to you not because you're nothing to me or so whatever. But because for maybe what you did in the past that makes me feel that you don't deserve my kindess to you. Or probably others stuffs that bothers me.

So if you still dont get it,

GET AWAY.

That bloody easy. : )

2009-12-07T22:25:00.002+08:00

ANGRY. U KNOW.

I'M DAMN ANGRY.

Ok, firstly. I have connections of lobangs for work. You've accepted it, THEN FCUKING DO IT!
Why the shit go ask me so many problems WHEN I HAVE EXPLAINED EVERYTHING TO YOU IN DETAIL?!

Forgive me for my harsh comments,
BUT FREAK! I'M HAVING MY MENSES AND I TOTALLY CANT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS NOW, SERIOUSLY.

hope i can do that upside down to you like damn serious. Look at my face and you'll know HOW serious i meant.

Next up,
people should really stop probing WHAT OR WHO I'M REFERRING AND WHAT'S MY BLOG ABOUT!

Why i'm feeling this why i'm writing this.
You're not the only one - to who you know you are.

Because, i felt that i really have NO reasons to tell you.
Even my bff dont get to hear what my real things were, so you people think you have the chance ?
I mean, you came here to read my blog is to just kill your boredom and see how i'm doing right.

At least i'm not dead and i'm still aliev typing nonsense and ranting my shit.
But really, you should stop that probing.

if you dont understand, pls dont expect me to explain in details.
If u're not following my post, then be it

Cause i've said before, I'll only be undressing my stuffs to people when i know that people inside out when that person have told me really everything about them.

I dont see a reason WHY i have to be the one undressing my details to people when i dont get back the same.

What the SHIT!

2009-12-06T23:57:00.002+08:00

What's there more to write?

I've stated my point, and i'm done : )

I feel better and yes. More confuse eventually. Lol.
Nothing's helping and i'mma sleep it off.

Goodnight cruelity world, YOU SUCK!

2009-12-04T18:23:00.005+08:00

RANDOM POST! :D

I'VE GOT A TERRORIST ATTACK, LAST FEW DAYS. ( or probably WEEKS! =/ )

SEE! MY GRANDPA SO ENTHU LOR!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

He look so like a terrorist doesn't he! Haha! Cute ! :D

Next up, you'll see a baby terrorist! None other than the PIG JESSLYN. HUAHUAHAHAHA! :D

ok, so not cute la. -.-!
OUT. SHOOOOOOO!

Out for a tan day with baby jess to Woodlands Swimming Complesx : )

Ok, was being retarded and random.

Me, Jessy and alibaba.

This is another random picture which happens that night during supper for tomyum!

Can you even guess what's that ? it's a spoon for Goodness sake! Damn it!

I didnt know i have telepathy magic or whatever it's called la! I can make the spoon BEND!

sings :

*when you believe*
HAHAHAHA!

Here's the comparison. HAHA!

Eventually i was helping jesslyn to cut the roti prata to smaller pieces. I didnt know i was alr bending the damn spoon with my force WHILE helping her. So shock when i was about to use it to drink my tomyum! *Laughs*

This was also another night when i tweet about sissy's HOT like megan fox.

And of course YOU KNOW i'm kidding right. HOW CAN SHE EVEN COMPARE TO ME.

NOT TO SAY MEGAN FOX LOR!

HAHAHAHAH! See, RANDOM!

But she's real hawt that night anyway. :D

This bugger made my grandma scream when she walk pass it and was like :

"AHHHH. WOAHHH. OOOOOH!" HAHAHAHAHA!

And was like, OMG OMG OMG.

Sucha bimbo when she saw it la can!

Everyone then screams in " WAH SHIT. SO BLOODY BIG!"

She said it was a bee and IT EATS! OR bites or stings. whatever la ! -.-

But it's REALLLL big and CREEPY! Yucks.

One night while waiting for show to start,
Played jessy fringe.

made curry puff, tang yuan ( in chinese. It's those like during CNY they have reunion dinner then MUST eat it)

Then got mee hoon gueh ! Got more! She invented it all after i said curry puff. Haha

Tonight!
Bringing her to buy some sushi then prolly meet up nini for ktv night.

We're prepared since 5pm lor.

I hope that Nini sees this and feel guilty about it.

HUAHAHAHAHA.

She wasn't screaming in excitment just so you know. She's waiting so impatiently and must see the next photo to know what i mean! : )

Realise any similiarities ? We wear the same colour top, and bottom! In fact, IT INCLUDE OUR UNDIES TOO LOR! She picked all for me though.

HAHAHA!

Haha, cute right!

That's my cute ass Baby Jesslyn daughter :D

2009-11-28T13:55:00.002+08:00

I left my post for so long.
For so long, i've not typed a word.

I've got something to say.
But they all seems so hideous.

Those words are hideous.

Leave it.

2009-11-27T17:38:00.002+08:00

What feelings do you have before unfortunate things befalls on you ?

For me, my heart will start to flutter !
My heart will race like mad and totally feeling, wow. There's no hot guys in front of me, but i'm feeling so hot and can see how my heart beats out of my chest. (idk how to describe!)

A lot a lot a lot of things came bothering me one by one. Again, i'm feeling down at this moment of my life. Yes, again.

Some literally bad things happen was,
when i woke up, i feel my heart's racing badly!
Lay on the sofa and lie on jessy's lap. However, she was bending down and my head literally falls hard down to the ground. I totally can feel that my blood was dispersing from that part of my skull and the brain was pounding like boom boom pow! And the smell in my nose can feels that i'm gona have some bleedings or something and totally can feel that i'm gona have concustion!

WOW! It HURTS!

terribly : (

Walk out for lunch with jesslyn and mom.
After that went to sheng siong to buy her hair dyes.
I fall down the stairs RIGHT IN FRONT OF the market. HOW COOL WHEN I GET STARES AND NO ONE HELPS ME when all they could only say is " AIYOOOO!"

Mak cik are pathetically screwed, seriously. But guess what i did. I laughed! What's worst, JESSLYN FIRST SAW ME FALL AND ALL SHE DO WAS LAUGH OUT AS LOUD AS SHE CAN! There, that shows how she create the scene of my embarrassment. Asshole.

Not only i stand up fine. I KNOCKED MY HEAD WHEN I STOOD UP.

IT'S TOTALLY WHAT THE SHIT AND SCREWED.

Done with my ranting.
My heart wont flutter for hot guys, but it's just a sense of unfortunate things befalling.

OUCHHHHHHHHH!

my life hurts more than how i bump my head and knees. : (

2009-11-26T22:14:00.001+08:00

It would be just fine if i had a big cry over things that's bothering me now.

Then, i'll just forget about the matter and move on.

My heart had sank down terribly deep.
Immerse down with the souls.

2009-11-25T02:14:00.003+08:00

I didnt know i hurt so many people.

I didnt know i was so selfish in doing things.
Neither did i know i was that bad in my ways of handling things.

You know, sharing is an offence in my dictionary now.
Tell me how to share more when things happen like that ?
How to, you teach me ?

I want to be flithy rich.
Just wait for my day.
Fuck today because i had my worst.
But this isn't worst, aint gona show what's in me.
Because none of you show what's in you.

So if one day i ever see someone showing everything of you,
then i'll be the one undressing my stuffs in front of you.

2009-11-23T02:22:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHA!
I'M LAUGHING AT MY SILLYNESS NOW!

You know. Nostalgia ?
Yes, nostalgia. When i'm starting to reminisce now.

MR CHARLES TJH!
RMB YOU ONCE SING TO ME WHEN I WAS LYING ON UR CHEST AND I WAS SO SICK ? ON MY BED AT 9.30PM ON A SATURDAY!

I told you, i'll never forget that day you once sang to me. During the two yrs of relationship, you never once sing with me nor did you sing it for me when i'm sick.

Just the thought of it really makes my heart jump a lot.
Well, hope you get well soooooon!
Dont hope you have last stage of cancer k, that's retarded.

You'll be just fine, just fine.
You'll still get to open a business after your NS and still get to reservist till you're old ok ! Haha. Okay, seriously. NINI IS HEARING MY HAPPINESS NOW.

Chocolate didnt make me high.
But you did. Cheeseburger did!

:D

The colours didnt fade.
It still lives in me.

2009-11-22T02:57:00.002+08:00

It's happening again.

Maybe, things change. People change. Everything changes even your heart change. Your mind, your soul, your companion..... They changed. It may be for a better one. Or may not. But still, I'm still feeling that tiny winy heartache for it. Okay, maybe not tiny winy. But, yea. I still get those heartaches.

Someone, everyone's gona start de-coding my blog again. Sure they dont understand anymore. Haha. But oh well. Just writing whatever coming to my mind.

Watched a movie before. The couple were together for yrs. And they parted for 3 yrs without contacting one another. But coincidentally, they met each other at a very weird circumstances. Yet, none of them forget how much they loved one another. Fate played them, and they were fooled. They took one big round to where they live happily ever after.

I dont wanna be the one, who get fooled, being played at then i get to live my happily ever after. In fact in this world, there's no happily ever after. I never believed it even since i was young when i knew about Cinderella's story.

And why just cant human brain be wiser ? Why cant just human brain links up to the heart where they'll talk as one ? Feel as one ? And be one when it comes to something to make a decision for the future of "happily ever after."

FTW. You understand what i'm talking ? I'm trying to be detailed and making it simple to understand uh. If you still cant, IDK WHAT TO DO BUT JUST FTW OK! :D

And bloody hell, WHY SHOULD YOU FTW GO BOTHER OTHERS WHEN THAT PERSON YOU CARE DONT EVEN FTW CARES WHAT U'RE DOING OR THINKING?

My new word - ftw. Which also means, fuck the way. HAHA! People use it " for the winners" dont they ? I MAKE MY OWN AR ! So ftw bebeh! :D

Okay, disappointed really. Cant describe how much i care for that person which that person is the only one i can go till the extend where maybe no one else could except my bff. But, that person wouldnt care less (or more?). Idk man. But really, just ftw man. Idk why i'm thinking or feeling or saying these either.

Didnt i said people are born to embeliish their life ?

Should i really start from now?

But, i just cant.

Because till now, i still have yet to get a definite answer.

Well oh well.

2009-11-20T01:14:00.002+08:00

It just wasnt me nor you.

It wasn't more of me today. Or was it, it was more of me today.
Somehow, i didnt have the touch of myself lately ? Or has it been this way all the while. Am i really losing direction of where i'm heading in my life ?
Losing direction of where i'm walking ? Losing faith in myself ? Losing confidence in whatever i do and somehow, i never brings out myself ?

In fact, am i really feeling this way ? I'm feeling nothing and that makes me scare. Am i a robot or something that i have no feeling towards how life is ? Or just pretty much that my life's a mundane and there's nothing i can do about it ?

I know there'll definitely be things waiting for me. Out there, Right ahead. It's just that, i realise i wasn't walking towards the sun anymore. I wasn't walking towards the light. Towards the hope everyone's longing for.

Is there even me in the picture.
The best thing i can ever draw is,
the sun.

Sorry for being tilted,
but this is what i do when i see paintings and drawing blocks.
Nothing came to my mind, but just like that.
How fugly it is. But it portrait something.

I just want a loving house with the sun shining towards us, each day, everyday and single moment of our life so we'll never be lost and never will be in the dark, anymore.

2009-11-19T15:03:00.002+08:00

You're a little obsess with me
I'm a little bit scare of you.
Look at the way you stare at me
Maybe it's time i let you know

You can call me 6 times but still i wont pick up the phone.
You can spend all your money on me but still i say NO!
You can write a MILLION letters EVERYDAY CONFESSING TO ME.
That i am the girl of your dreams.
But nobody ever asked me,
I never looked at you that way.

Cause i always thought you were gay.

You told me lies and you made me believe
It would be fine if there was nothing to see
I would be undressing in front of you
I told you secrets that no one else knew!

I'M DAMN PISS.
BUT I GOT NO IDEA WHY I'M STILL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-ING.

SIAO LIAO!

2009-11-18T20:07:00.006+08:00

OVERNIGHTY!

I brought my babies to boma's place actually. Brought 3 babies bolster, baby tiger and my blanket. Lol. But when i was sleeping, everything was used by Nini. -.-!

That's when the night comes! Madness gets in.

This wasn't all!

Dressed over tooooo! >)

Next day,

first to showered! Camwhored while waiting >.<

Look like a sec 2 girl in this pic!

Boring KFC

NEXT UP LG EVENT!

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

2009-11-18T02:48:00.002+08:00

That inspiration.

Life is imperfect and unbeautifed. Thus you're born to embellish to make it perfect !

I lost this part of my life till now i realised it's nothing but yet, it's something.

I came out these phrase on my own.

My mind just keep working though i aint feeling anything that's happening. Like, i dont think my life's imperfect thus i made up that sentence.

I dont think i lost any part of my life and yet i made up that sentence.

Inspiration i guess.

I find it's meaning to me, it doesn't have to be you anyway.

Off to bed, Nightsy.

And yes, i got complained at work. Haha! Never ending stuffs and 30 more days to receive pay which falls on my bday. What an ass!

2009-11-17T02:32:00.002+08:00

What again?!

Ok, the two girls who was mad (3rd is me) to do these at night!

More pictures gona be up soon, lazy to upload in fb too

Waiting for the boring night to arrive and i'll upload slowly. Haha.

So anyway, wanna talk abt being single and feeling free.

Nope, not really free. Still under control.

But just thinking, Single but still loving the person you once loved or still loving. It doesn't mean get back, will give u the same happiness.

Neither does it mean patching back, will give u the same love u once used to have.

This makes me think a lot. What's more, even if we still love one another. We can still date and hold on to each other. But it's just that we can have no status, no possession of you or me.

Ok, is this how it's defined ?

Ok, love is just that complicated.

So what if you even go by how you feel.

You won't get what you want either because NOTHING goes smoothly through your way.

It's retarded by how you just feel because you dont think either!

From what i'm saying now, my lights are blinking. It seems that i'm in a wrong topic now.

BAHH!

NIGHT NIGHT!

2009-11-17T02:15:00.001+08:00

I'll be back for overnighty at bomb's place !
And somemore i think.

Gotta get to work tomorrow at fortcanning 6-11pm.
With that boots and ugly outfits.
Bet i'm gona get some complain from tmr!

Till then! :D

2009-11-12T02:31:00.006+08:00

A day out with family! <3

Jessy and me FOREVER like that. Didnt know she came into the picture actually. DAMN CUTE WHEN I SAW THE PIC! HAHA! Minnie and jessy head!

Then the camwhore starts.

Uh huhs!

She's in her swimming costume and i'm still drinking yakult watcing teevee! Haha!

SO CUTEEEEEEEEEE!

Okay, off to carpark and get some ass squeeze!

Luckily change to BMW.

If not my ass would have cramped :(

Mt faber safra :D

After swimming.

The progress of jessy's swimming and the everything is in her camera.

Guess it wasn't upload yet :D

She eat two egg all herself lor. SELL FISH!

Then dinner! We were all so tired from the swim! Our eyes were literally half closed while waiting for the food!

Ooops! We're still at yakun. HAHA! WRONG CAPTION(for the above pic)!

Ok. this is the dinner venue!

Told you. We were all tired sucking thumb! >)

You know what!

I've been sleeping 4am or 5am lately. Not lately, FOR A WEEK FOR CHRIST SAKE!

This is shingz you know! Complexion defenitely drop from 70% to 10%.
Pathetic. Been cooping myself at home lately and out with some family members. Everyone's flying away going overseas to get some fun! Me?! I wanna go JB shop shop shop shop.

But everyone's broke. And how am i able to go to JB. -.-! Stinks.

Okay, someone's gona kill me for slping at 4am again.

Yes, again.

Everyday again and my mind's not thinking anything anymore. Thus the lack of update. HAHA! Nights!

2009-11-09T21:06:00.001+08:00

Why make things a hassle when you're the one going ahead with your own decision.

At the moment :

I'm gona kill myself for saying that i'll miss my sis as she'll be away for days to Malaysia for some trips with the school >(

I wish i'm the one who can escape now ar! Tsk!

Have fun sisssy!
Will miss ya.

2009-11-08T23:18:00.002+08:00

Well, I dont know what my mind have been thinking about.

But on a brighter note,
I'm so excited for my 18th birthday.
Think this is the first time i feeling so over with it.
It's still more than a month away fyi.
But got that feeling feeling over things.

On the other hand,
I dont have any plans / celebrations for my coming birthday.

Nights. : )

2009-11-06T18:09:00.001+08:00

What will it take
Till you realize?
Cause you know it's killing me
To be left unseen.

Okay, you don't know that it's killing me to be left unseen.
I am unseen. Am i ?

2009-11-04T23:12:00.003+08:00

Those birthday had over, and are 18 now.
SHUT UP!
Because you'll be in a risk if u tryna tell and tease me that u're 18!
Dont do that, not because i dont like it.

But it definitely piss me off when u had that assy tone.
So, just stfu and u'll be just fine.

For my 18th birthday wish,
I want it to pass by peacefully for the whole of 24 hrs :)

Goodnight.

2009-11-04T00:32:00.002+08:00

VENUS AND MARS.

Well, people always mentioned and know that none of the women nor men do know about each other's planet completely.

Women are from Venus while
Men are from Mars.

You may somehow know and attached with a man for 2 years or more. Take me as an example, I was attached with my ex bf for 2 yrs (including the on and off), i somehow seems to know him inside out. His habits, comes routines, comes attitude, comes character comes things that were handled by him and so on. But how come when things happen and troubles comes, it still goes on with my attitude and proceed with the mistakes we had during in the past.

We may understand, but it's just hard to compromise!

But what if their lovers are from the same planet ?
Which means, lesbian and gays?!
THEY ARE WHAT! UNDERSTAND MORE?!
ABLE TO COMPROMISE?!
Wah, then i want to have a lesbian ar!
But i oso wanna marry and have kids!
Wearing a gown and take wedding pictures!

I have never ending wish for my future!
It seems exciting to have sex with ur husband during festive season!
Going to honeymoon and enjoy every sweet little moments!
Imagine during honeymoon and no one knows you but u just know ur husband!
HOW COOL! wow .___.

Waiting for bus, queue for food with every little kiss!
Cold in a bus, freezing when it's winter and hugged from every moments!

AMAZING how love can do you.
And get you back.

Love, they're just dangerous.
But they may be the best thing on earth that happens to you.

:)

fuck my life

The girl who seemed unbreakable, broke.The girl who always laughed, cried.The girl who never stopped trying, gave up.She dropped her fake smile as a tear rolled down her cheek, and she whispered to herself , 'i can't do this anymore.'

Randomly random

SICK?!

The girl who seemed unbreakable, broke.
The girl who always laughed, cried.
The girl who never stopped trying, gave up.
She dropped her fake smile as a tear rolled down her cheek, and she whispered to herself , 'i can't do this anymore.'